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1.) Iran’s vaunted sandwich brigade threatens the U.S. — A ridiculously named general from a pathetic regime threatened the U.S., Reza Khalili reports for TheDC:
“With the May 23 negotiations in Iraq failing to persuade Iran to give up its illicit nuclear program, Iranian leaders have returned to threats of war — including the provocative statement that their missiles can reach every U.S. military base in the Middle East, and a call to halt all nuclear negotiations with the West. On Saturday, Iranian Brig. Gen. Hossein Salami threatened that all ‘enemy’ bases in the region are vulnerable to Iranian attack. ‘Wherever you imagine these bases are, they are within the reach of Iranian missiles,’ he said, according to Fars News Agency, the media outlet run by the powerful Revolutionary Guard Corps.”
President Obama should make clear to General Salami, as well as Iranian Generals Pastrami and Bologna (based in Lebanon), that school children across the United States eat generals like them for lunch every day. Seriously, though. We’re the United States. We’re not Norway. Don’t talk to us like that. Remember General Salami, taunting the U.S. is all fun and games until your nuclear program is obliterated and your ayatollah is being fitted for a noose (or, if you prefer, wiped from the pages of time.)
2.) Meet the Internet sensation “Shorty, I farted” — That’s the new alias of The Daily Caller’s advice columnist Matt Labash. He attended ROFLcon, which is an internet meme conference (whatever that means). Writing in The Weekly Standard, he explained how he tried to blend in with the other viral YouTube “celebrities”:
“Since ROFLcon is crawling with memes, I decide to try passing myself off as one, just for sport. I think of the most asinine meme title I can come up with on short notice, then make the acquaintance of Charlie Schmidt. He’s the originator of Keyboard Cat, which is a video of Charlie’s cat playing keyboard in a blue T-shirt. Charlie shot the video in the mid ’80s. Uploaded to YouTube in 2007, it made him and his late cat Fatso, who left us in 1987, Internet-famous. (YouTube views: 23,989,789 and counting.) I introduce myself to Charlie, asking, ‘Keyboard Cat?’ Yes, he responds eagerly. Then pointing to myself while announcing my fake meme, I say, ‘Good to meet you. I’m Shorty, I Farted.’ Keyboard Cat man looks at me slightly confused. ‘You don’t recognize me?’ I say, hurt. Yes, he does, Charlie says, now coming to. We’re big fans of each other’s work. Though I worry this false intimacy has just made us fake, showbiz friends.”
Read the entire masterpiece. Then cry for our culture.
3.) Will calls Trump a ninny, Trump calls Will a dummy — Conservative columnist George Will went after Donald Trump Sunday and questioned why Mitt Romney was associating with the modest proprietor of the Trump Organization. TheDC’s Jeff Poor reports:
“Will said that Trump was proof that money can help turn anyone into a political player. ‘Donald Trump is redundant evidence that if your net worth is high enough, your IQ can be very low and you can still intrude into American politics. But again, I don’t understand the benefit. What is Romney seeking?'”
Trump responded via Twitter: “George Will may be the dumbest(and most overrated) political commentator of all time. If the Republicans listen to him, they will lose.”
4.) Newt for VP? — While he probably would love to get his sweet Secret Service detail back, even the former House Speaker doesn’t see his chances of being Mitt’s number two as being particularly great. TheDC’s Jeff Poor reports:
“And as for being on the ticket with Romney, Gingrich dismissed his prospects. ‘I think that’s highly implausible,’ he said. ‘I’ve learned the hard way to never say no, but I find that as implausible as you find it.'”
Newt’s being modest here. His prospects are not ‘highly implausible,’ they’re entirely inconceivable.
5.) Poll of the Day: Veterans support Romney — Gallup poll of U.S. military veterans registered to vote: Mitt Romney 58%, President Obama 34%.