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Twitter: a window into the mind of the aging celebrity

Jim Treacher Blogger
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Nobody likes getting old. Your body doesn’t work the way it used to, today’s music is just a bunch of noise, people think you’re boring… It’s just no fun!

But no longer do the elderly need to suffer in silence. Now they’ve got a place to vent all their frustrations against the world: Twitter! And if they happen to be famous, or formerly famous, even better.

Courtesy of Twitchy.com, here’s a quick look at a few of our moral, ethical, and intellectual superiors opining on the issues of the day. Let’s start with somebody who’s still famous: Samuel L. Jackson. Thanks to Twitter, now we have unfiltered access to Mr. Jackson’s every pearl of wisdom. What does he think about, say, Hurricane Isaac?

WARNING: SAMUEL L. JACKSON LANGUAGE

Ouch! He didn’t mean anything by it, though. He just thought it was some cold-blooded $#!+ to say to those mother****ers. Don’t get all mad, People Who Disagree with Samuel L. Jackson Politically:

Whew!

“But what about the other end of the fame spectrum? What about Cher?” asked nobody. Too bad, here she is anyway.

It’s like poetry. Wait, no, not poetry, what’s the word… Oh, yes. Potty-training. All aboard the “kama train”!

But wait, there’s more breaking news from Planet Cher:

And why is this happening?

Wow, she really did hate Sonny, didn’t she?

Finally, there’s Ellen Barkin. She used to be in a lot of movies, but not many people went to see them. She quit acting for a while, but she was able to make ends meet by marrying and divorcing a billionaire. In recent years she’s returned to acting, and now she’s in an upcoming NBC sitcom called The New Normal.

And what sort of thanks does she get for being brave enough to participate in a Modern Family ripoff? This:

Yes, apparently the NBC affiliate in Salt Lake City isn’t airing the show because it has gay people in it, or maybe because it looks awful. Either way, it’s a good excuse for religious bigotry:

Take that, Mormons! NBC doesn’t want your money anyway!

Oh, and Barkin shares Cher’s concerns* about the evil Republicans suppressing voters and stuff:

Barkin sure does hate rich people. It’s just not fair. Why don’t they want to marry her anymore?

But it’s not all bad news. Barkin has made some new friends:

Yay, aging celebrities and their medicine cabinets! And I didn’t even get to Roseanne, or we’d be here all day.

All is forgiven, @AlecBaldwin. Please come back.

*Try saying that 10 times fast.

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Neil Patel