DC Trawler

Scientist Invents Safer Alternative To Alcohol, Gets Slapped Down By Gov’t

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As a loyal Trekkie, I’ve often wondered what it would be like to drink “synthehol,” the fictional beverage with all of alcohol’s pleasures and none of the drawbacks. As with everything else about Gene Roddenberry’s vision of the future, it’s always seemed like a pipe dream. (All apologies to opiate addicts.) But now a scientist in Britain has brought us one step closer to that glorious day. So, of course, he’s being hampered by meddlesome government functionaries.

Sky News:

A new hangover-free synthetic alcohol which gets you tipsy but not drunk could have “seismic effects on public health”, according to a report.

The drink has been developed as an alternative to alcohol, removing the risks of hangovers, liver damage and loss of control.

But the product is being blocked by “morality police” using heavy-handed EU and government regulations, says the Adam Smith Institute.

It’s called “alcosynth,” presumably because Paramount Pictures has powerful lawyers. But it basically sounds like synthehol. And it was developed by a guy named David Nutt, which is just perfect.

Finally, this would give us non-smokers a way to really annoy people who are just trying to enjoy themselves in public. Instead of babbling about the superiority of vaping over smoking cigarettes, we could sneer at the straights for guzzling their dumb antiquated booze. “Have fun with your hangovers and cirrhosis,” we’d chuckle, while everybody around us fantasized about various methods of murder. We wouldn’t be able to exhale literal clouds of disgusting white vapor, I guess, but science can do only so much.

Has anybody trademarked the name Büz yet?

I propose a toast: Here’s to a future where you can enjoy your night and your morning. L’chaim. Salud. на здоровье. Sláinte!

Hat tip to Katherine Timpf, who laments: