It’s time for March Madness, which means it’s officially time to start exploiting young black basketball players for the enjoyment of privileged white people.

I love basketball maybe more than any other sport or form of entertainment, but I can no longer stand by silently as unpaid college basketball players, the vast majority of which are black, are trotted out onto courts for our entertainment.

For me this is a tough mirror to look into. I was once a naive fan who bet large and won big on March Madness. In fact, historically speaking I make more money in March thanks to gambling (please don’t report me to the government) than I do in the next several months from actual work. I’ve made a sickening amount of money thanks to the talents of basketball players. However, I’ve come to see what this money is in reality. It’s nothing more than blood money earned on the backs of oppressed minority athletes who don’t earn anything other than a free education at some of the best universities in the world, and for those of you who think a free ride is enough it’s time for you shut up and realize your white privilege. It must be nice to be ignorant enough to think that way.

Because of my eye-opening realization I will no longer be publicly accepting any winnings on the tournament this year, unless of course I win my big money pools. If that happens I will generously accept the money, and donate it to a charity.*

Now that we’ve all learned about my my sins it’s time all you privileged fans learn about yours. You turn on the television and see a great game between two teams fighting for a championship. You see players who will leave college debt-free and make an insane amount of money playing professional basketball. How do you sleep at night? You see a kid averaging a double-double while I see a young man that the system has oppressed and failed. You see a future millionaire while I see a minority athlete who has it worse than even the poorest white student on his campus working two jobs because we all know you can’t put price on being white.

I implore all of you to stop watching March Madness and please for the love of God do not buy tickets, especially any games that Wisconsin is playing in. At all costs do not attend those games. This will teach the NCAA and the system of oppression a valuable lesson.**

Together we can all come together and finally destroy a system of basketball that has done irreparable amounts of damage. It’s better that these young black men never participate in this free labor scheme invented by racist white men. Even if it means taking away a lucrative future. That’s a tradeoff we must all make. Join me in this righteous fight against March Madness. Together we can all Make March Boring Again.

*Charity will be decided at a later date and will be of solely my choosing. It will likely end up just being beer money or money for a new gun.

**By not buying tickets to Wisconsin games it will drastically drive down ticket prices which means I can go for much cheaper. I can’t thank you morons enough if you actually don’t buy the tickets and make them cheaper for me.

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