Boston Globe Columnist Castrates White House Hopeful Seth Moulton With A Poem

Betsy Rothstein | Reporter

Rep. Seth Moulton (D-Mass.) is running for president. And he quite possibly just received the worst poem of his life.

The poet is Boston Globe columnist Yvonne Abraham. Moulton is the latest lawmaker to dump his hat into the 2020 presidential ring.

It’s not a nice poem that shows any faith whatsoever in candidacy. Moulton announced his plan to run Monday morning on ABC’s Good Morning America. The poem was published Saturday.

The premise is for Moulton to not be a loser.

“I want to not be a loser, Lord,” writes Abraham, who doubts the entire idea of Moulton in the White House from the get go. She writes it from the standpoint of Moulton speaking to God.

In an attempt to help him — or something — she escorts him through a journey of other candidates who she thinks have better personalities and chances than Moulton.

Lord, I beseech thee, grant me the chutzpah of Joe Biden, who sniffeth the heads of women, layeth his hands upon their shoulders, and skeeveth them out.

Lord, give me the magnetism and charm of Bernie Sanders, who is wizened and gray, and who looketh like a bed unmade, yet who enjoyeth the status of a rock star.

The poem offers no warning to Moulton about coming off like a weirdo on national TV. In March, the congressman did just that when he appeared on MSNBC’s “MTP Daily” with Chuck Todd when he said he feared dropping his baby. He played coy about presidential aspirations, but went on about his fear about dropping his infant daughter.

“I wasn’t necessarily a baby guy, you know?” he asked Todd, maybe hoping for a bro-moment that never came. Todd’s eyes flickered briefly with momentary fright, but he ignored the scary baby talk and kept pressing him about his 2020 aspirations. (RELATED: Congressman Feared He’d Drop His Baby)

Abraham hopes Moulton will acquire the “manly certitude” of Beto O’Rourke, the “audacity” of Pete Buttigieg, and the “strange power” that the Lord has given Trump.

So many men — and there are more! — so perfect the images they find in the mirror, so little burdened by doubt. 

The Mirror sought comment from the congressman’s press office on the poem.

So here’s Moulton, 40,  in a nutshell: He graduated from Phillips Academy, a “highly selective” boarding school in New Hampshire, went on to Harvard and completed four tours of duty in Iraq as a Marine. He’s a decorated war hero, receiving a Bronze Star, but he never even told his parents. Naturally, the person he told was his campaign manager. But its revelation in 2014 was a prelude to huge life events: He came to Congress in 2015; He got married in 2017; He had his first child in 2018.

Moulton is not a big Speaker Nancy Pelosi fan. He tried to destroy her bid. When that failed, he voted for her anyway. He’s not that into President Trump,either, previously comparing his ascension to power to that of Adolf Hitler.

Abraham rounds out her poem with a couple of pro-female verses.

She sarcastically wishes for Moulton to not be like the female presidential hopefuls because they have “faults.”

She points to Sen. Elizabeth Warren‘s age —69. “Age weareth better upon the men,” she writes. Sen. Kamala Harris (Fla.) lacks the progressive chops. Sen. Amy Klobuchar (Minn.) is mean to her aides.

The writer need not fear that Moulton is perfect.

“Do you want to hold the baby?” he told Chuck Todd he was asked during his March interview.

He answered his own question, saying, “I don’t know. I might drop it.”

Tags : beto orourke seth moulton yvonne abraham
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