HART: Random Thoughts On The 400th Thanksgiving

(Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)

Ron Hart Ron Hart is a libertarian humorist and author who can be reached at Ron@RonaldHart.com.
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In an increasingly narcissistic and selfie-obsessed America, this is the time of year when we should be thinking of others. So if there are people out there by themselves with no one to come visit them on Thanksgiving, please reach out to me. I need to borrow some chairs and a gravy boat.

We know it is Thanksgiving because the annual White House ceremony, the presidential pardoning of the turkeys, took place. The staff looked at all the turkeys and Biden pardoned just two of them. They happened to be the two who bought paintings from Hunter Biden, but ain’t tradition great?

PETA is all worked up about turkeys being raised to be eaten at Thanksgiving. PETA makes the case that the turkey is artificially bred, overfed to gain weight, susceptible to heart conditions and thus too tired and fat to mate. So another shout-out to one of our Founding Fathers, Ben Franklin, who wanted the turkey to be our national bird.  He was forward thinking as usual.

I am thankful that the jury voted unanimously to acquit Kyle Rittenhouse of the false charges that the politically-driven Kenosha County DA trumped up against the teen. Fearful of more riots and looting, and having called Rittenhouse a “white supremacist” on Twitter, Biden sent his Justice Department to Kenosha before the verdict was read. There were so many woke AG Merrick Garland’s DOJ goons in that Wisconsin county, you’d think a school board meeting was about to take place.

Prince Andrew was fired last year from his royal duties for his close association with Jeffrey Epstein. He lost his chauffeur and his $300,000 yearly salary from the Queen. This year he will have to drive himself, but since he crossed the Clintons he’s afraid to start his car.

Hollywood is trying to make a comeback with remakes of movie sequels. Senior citizens Danny Glover and Mel Gibson are signed up to do another “Lethal Weapon” movie. The lethal weapon that is wreaking havoc in this film is their bathtub, which does not have side rails.

20th Century Fox has brought back its 79-year-old star Harrison Ford to shoot “Indiana Jones Five.” Instead of outrunning a massive boulder, Indiana Jones spends most of the movie in the hospital passing a huge kidney stone. You could tell the script had changed. In the first part of the movie, Indy embarks on an expedition to try to discover where he left his reading glasses. Not to spoil the ending for you, but they turn out to be on the top of his head.

I want to pitch Hollywood a movie that would never be made about the heroic Kyle Rittenhouse. It could be a “can’t miss.”

The Biden administration has been sneaking illegals who cross the Texas border to states like Tennessee and Florida in the dark of night. Nashville has taken in many of them. The refugees will not be evaluated on their criminal history, COVID status, race, creed or color, but rather like everyone else in Nashville: by the car they drive.

When Oregon lost, Notre Dame may have gotten a Catholic sportswriter to vote it into the top four, which means they could face number one Georgia in the college football  bowl playoffs. When the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame came to play the University of Georgia a couple years ago, local merchants took all the Irish Spring soap off their shelves. I am just thankful Georgia doesn’t play the University of Southern California.

Speaking of Southern Cal, there has been a problem with coyotes from the Santa Monica Mountains coming to L.A. and roaming around the USC campus. The issue is that, once they are done wandering around the college for a few days, they come out of the school with an art history degree, herpes and $120,000 in student loan debt, and they become reliable Democrat voters.

After Thanksgiving we look forward to Christmas and Santa Claus. And we all wonder which list we are going to be on: naughty or nice. With the Biden administration in Washington and my weekly columns, I know which lists I am on: FBI, NSI, DOJ, IRS and Homeland Security.

On this Thanksgiving I’d like to point out that the Puritans followed the religion of John Calvin and the economics of John Locke, and my ancestor, John Hart, signed the Declaration of Independence. Thomas Hooker was the Puritan theologian who dissented and left to form his own colony in Connecticut. So this all makes sense: America was founded on a dispute between three Johns and a Hooker.

Ron Hart is a syndicated op-ed humorist, award-winning author, and TV/radio commentator; you can reach him at Ron@RonaldHart.com or Twitter @RonaldHart