Daily Caller Gentrifies Urban Institute In March Toward Softball Playoffs

(Daily Caller/Ireland Walker)

Scoops Delacroix Freelance Writer
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WASHINGTON, D.C. (Daily Caller) — The Daily Caller Expanded Universe Softball Team inched one step closer to the DC Think Tank Softball League playoffs with a dominant win over The Urban Institute Tuesday night by a score of 28-7.

With the win, the Callers improved to 4-2 on the season and have a firm grasp on a playoff spot in the Whig division. The Urban Institute, a “nonprofit research organization that provides data and evidence to help advance upward mobility and equity” (sounds completely fake and like a front for Eastern European organized crime, in this journalist’s opinion), was no match for an early offensive outburst and the Callers’ best defensive performance of the season Tuesday Night at Rose Park.

The scoring got started early as the first six batters to come to the plate for the Callers scored, setting an early tone. A ground-rule double from intern Matthew followed by a two-run homerun from Deputy News Editor Dylan Housman over the centerfield fence, which StatCast projected at 462 feet, shellshocked the Urbanites like they were Dresden residents in February of 1945.

The offensive contributions continued to come in from across the board, with big hits coming from Check Your Fact Chief Nerd Elias Atienza and Indescript Tech Consultant Sean Rada. Daily Caller News Foundation Reporting Fellow Arjun Singh also laced a line drive double into centerfield that sent the crowd into a frenzy, screaming Winston Churchill quotes to him from the sideline. (RELATED: The Daily Caller Trounces The State Department To Win The D.C. Softball Championship)

Defensively, the Callers turned in their cleanest performance of the season, with no major errors committed and a number of impressive plays made. Daily Caller News Foundation Education Reporter Reagan Reese and former White House Correspondent Amber Athey wo-manned the middle of the infield spectacularly, with Athey in particular making multiple key putouts early in the contest. DCNF Editor Graham Dudley turned in another solid outfield performance, and DCNF Defense Reporter Micaela Burrow and Editor Alexa Schwerha were steady as always behind the plate. Housman also turned in what some were calling a “Gold Glove” performance from the pitcher’s circle with a career-high in putouts.

The Callers will conclude the regular season next Tuesday against the American Trucking Associations, before beginning their title defense in the playoffs a couple of weeks thereafter.