A recent Twitter post led to a slew of 2024 presidential candidates sharing the songs that “stir their souls,” Wednesday, and the answers should land almost all the candidates in Taste Jail.*
The list shared by Politico is either the biggest crock of crap I’ve ever seen from a politician, or is the most embarrassing truth. Part of me thinks the choice of songs were collated by candidate’s aides. If these answers are honest, we seriously need to find new candidates ASAP.
Ranking #1 on the list is Chris Christie. If you threw a guy from New Jersey into a random music generator, it would hurl Christie’s song list back at you.
Every single cliché party track made its way onto Christie’s list. “Dream On” by Aerosmith, “Thunder Road” by Bruce Springsteen, and “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John are just three of the most obvious. The rest are so tragic, Christie should hide his head in shame.
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The one choice that should land Christie in Taste Jail is “And She Was” by Talking Heads. Who the heck listens to Talking Heads and picks this as a “soul stirring” song? “Burning Down The House,” “This Must Be The Place,” should have been his choice.
And don’t even get me started on Nikki Haley, whose list read like a group of mixed-aged aides who sat together and strategically picked the most beige tracks that Christie couldn’t get on his list. (RELATED: Oliver Anthony Releases Next Single, ‘I Want To Go Home,’ And It Will Rip Your Heart Out)
Then there’s Vivek Ramaswamy. Obviously he put Eminem at the start of his list, followed by Mozart, Fall Out Boy, and two Imagine Dragons songs. One Imagine Dragons song should land you in Taste Jail, so that’s where Ramaswamy belongs.
So does Asa Hutchins, who picked Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” (literally the worst song ever recorded in the history of music). Cornel West’s list isn’t even worth mentioning.
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— KAY SMYTHE (@KaySmythe) August 22, 2023
The only lists I absolutely believe are (a) real (as in, not written by a bunch of underpaid staffers), and (b) good, are Larry Elder’s and Will Hurd. Hurd put “Too Close” by Alex Clare, “Around The World” by Daft Punk, and “Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes on his list, which either proves he has great taste, or someone on his staff does and should be given more responsibility as a result.
There is literally not a bad word I can say about Elder’s list. The man has the same taste as my old man, and I’m so here for it. The only song he could get into a little trouble for is “Take Me Home” by Phil Collins. (RELATED: You Won’t Believe The Inside Baseball This Country Music Icon Has On The Bud Light Catastrophe)
Who the puts Phil Collins on a list of music that “stirs their soul” and doesn’t pick “Something Happened On The Way To Heaven” or “In The Air Tonight.” C’mon dude.
*Taste Jail is a place I’ve made up to emphasize how little taste these people have. While in Taste Jail, candidates would be taught how to be cool. It’s a rehabilitation jail, not punishment jail.