Vote Out The Senators Who Don’t Want Fetterman Naked On The Senate Floor

(Photo by JULIA NIKHINSON/AFP via Getty Images)

J.W. Gibbons Contributor
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Get naked while you can, Senator. Old white men are coming for your right to strip.

Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman’s abject horror at displaying himself in a professional manner on the Senate Floor has finally made it to the beachhead with Senate Majority Leader Schumer’s decision to nix the dress code, followed by his choice to allow Fetterman to preside over the Senate in the universal dress of the hungover collegian in search of sustenance.

Now, Senators from both sides, Durbin, Manchin, and Cornyn to name a few, are marshaling their forces to overturn Schumer’s decision, determined to set a dress code to the pre-Fetterman standard with the intention of robbing Americans of the inevitable glimpse at the bald man’s bald man in what would be the most exciting thing to happen on the Senate floor in decades.

I for one am all in favor of the ‘stroke made me naked’ narrative that’s building in the Senate, and even more excited for the hijinks that could unfold in the House if Fetterman somehow finds a way to hold out.

Susan Collins’ joke about wearing a bikini in the Senate has undoubtedly already inspired some colorful ideas within the lower chamber as well as given McCarthy another stress ulcer to add to the collection.

This clothing debacle has given Fetterman the ability to branch off from his original being as a blue vote in a handicapped gay biker bar bouncer’s body and allowed him to move on to something of greater renown like the modern-day version of the horse that Caligula tried to make a Senator in ancient Rome, but unlike that unfortunate political animal, Biden and Schumer actually managed to add their bit of horseflesh to the Senate chamber.

Schumer must be tempted to continue to move goalposts for Pennsylvania’s garment terrorist after the clear disgust and abject distraction Fetterman’s dressing proclivities created among the chamber ranks, and the media.

Schumer knows Democrats need this cover right now. Especially, during this time of legal turmoil with the likes of Joe Biden at the helm and New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez being indicted on bribery charges. The Senate as an institutional whole could use this cover too considering their abuse of the elderly and lack of movement on the countless crises plaguing our nation.

Fetterman looks like he’s about to tell you that he found half a cat in the air conditioner he was working on yesterday. pic.twitter.com/Iy4ZuiswuJ

— Tony Kinnett (@TheTonus) September 21, 2023


So, why would these bipartisan Senators want to stop the madness? They aren’t dumb, why would they try to inhibit the performance of their very own Kierkegaardian clown in Fetterman?

Because Fetterman is doing too great a job as the bumbling court jester. If his behavior is enabled further, he could very well end up doing something truly drastic like losing his clothes on the Senate floor.

That’s a visual that can’t be unseen. (RELATED: ‘Ding-A-Ling Pics’: MTG, Fetterman Clash Over Senate Dress Code Updates)

Every day Americans are bombarded with negative media. They are waterboarded by thousands of problems within the country and the world that rain down on them with such overwhelming abundance that it’s almost impossible to become attached to any one singular problem, like trying to grasp raindrops in a thunderstorm.

But the one issue that seems the hardest to grasp, while also being the issue that we most need to address, is that our government does not care about us and that the old-guard politicians who have been running our country for decades need to be replaced.

Enter a naked Fetterman, a visual taser to the corneas, and suddenly Americans might start realizing the grand joke that’s being played upon them by the apathetic aristocracy that calls themselves our representatives.

Fetterman in his birthday suit on the Senate floor could easily cause people to stroke themselves, let alone start questioning the government’s effectiveness and benevolence. Americans might even break the Chinese finger trap that social media has over their reality and decide to make the push for real institutional change in our government and by extension our world.

Any Senator who wants to stop Americans from seeing a defrocked Fetterman clearly has no intention of providing the results the country so desperately needs, and furthermore must not have the best interests of humanity on their minds.

A Senator who votes against a naked Fetterman is unworthy of his office and must be voted out.