California’s Wild Creatures Are All On Drugs, Animal Control Tells Whitney Cummings: REPORT

L-R: Shutterstock/Raccoons, Public/Screenshot/YouTube — PowerfulJre

Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
Font Size:

California’s wild animals are all on drugs, comedian Whitney Cummings told Joe Rogan during a podcast interview released Nov. 10.

Cummings’ story all started when she found a raccoon in her backyard, according to a short clip from the full episode shared on social media. The raccoon was “acting really weird,” Cummings said, noting how these little trash bandits like to sleep in trees like your drunk uncle, just wallowing over the branch. Usually they’ll scurry away if you get too close … but not the beasties in Cummings’ backyard.

Even when poked and prodded with a stick, Cummings’ raccoon wouldn’t budge. “It wasn’t moving. It wasn’t behaving like a raccoon,” Cummings recalled. “And so I call animal control — this is, like, the most California fucking response — I’m like, ‘I have this raccoon in my tree,’ and [the animal control woman is] like, ‘Yeah, that’s where they live.'”

Cummings replied with, “No, this is where I live, bitch.” Cummings was concerned the animal was sick, and she didn’t want a coyote to eat it because then she’d have a rabid coyote problem in her backyard.

Apparently, the animal control woman’s response was, “Well, a lot of the wild animals in California are acting really weird right now because people are testing their cocaine for fentanyl. And if it tests positive, they flush it down the toilet. So there’s fentanyl in the water, so the coyotes and raccoons are acting really weird.”

Opioids are horrendously prevalent throughout America’s drinking water supply, according to a study published in the journal Environmental Toxicology and Chemistry. And since California’s predominantly Democratic political leaders won’t do anything to stop the fentanyl crisis, this whole situation will probably get a lot worse. (RELATED: Joe Rogan Seems As Disgusted With This Video Of Young Americans As We Are)

But that’s California for ya! I bet most of you aren’t even surprised it’s the first state to get famous for having literal fentanyl raccoons wandering around. I know I’m not!