Do Kids And Pets Seem Like Too Much Commitment? Then Today’s Your Holiday!


Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
Font Size:

Do want to feel like a kind, nurturing, responsible person without committing more than 10 seconds every few days to actually caring for something?

Well, today is the day for you!

Happy National Houseplant Appreciation Day, you absolute losers (no offense, but get a pet or tell me in the comments that you spend a lot of time on vacation). When my colleague first sent me this article from National Calendar Day, I thought it was a prank. There’s no way people are actually being paid to make up stupid holidays for folks who love plants more than people, I thought to myself.

But no. Here we are. On National Houseplant Appreciation Day, which should be every day. Unless you have an automatic feeder.

I mean, how much freaking time do we have on our hands? We’re celebrating bloody houseplants? Sorry for the profanity but I just can’t believe this is really happening (plus cursing sometimes sounds okay in a British accent).

I don’t want you to think I hate houseplants. On the contrary, I have too many. I also have pets and plan to have children. (RELATED: Aaron Rodgers Credits His Success To Psychedelic Plant)

Having houseplants is fine. Making them your whole personality is very, very cringe.

By the way, if you do have house plants, ditch the succulents and grow something you can eat. You can grow green onions or little tomatoes right on your window sill. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but our food supply? Not in great shape.

Those plants might not feed you for long, but at least you won’t be stuck eating a decorative cactus when the grid goes down.