Tom Brady’s Netflix Roast Was Chock-Full Of Glorious Non-Woke Hilarity: Here Are The Top 11 Moments

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Robert McGreevy Contributor
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Netflix’s Sunday night live roast of Tom Brady gave me hope for the future of entertainment.

For an event that featured such prominent mainstream stars as Kim Kardashian and Ben Affleck (and was attended by scores more of culture’s most influential people) it was a no-holds-barred, non-PC, no-one-is-safe dunk-fest.

I was pleasantly surprised by the pure savagery put on display by the likes of Rob Gronkowski, Kevin Hart and even Brady himself. In honor of the fact that comedy is so back, we’re counting down the top 11 most savage moments of the night for your enjoyment.

11. The R Word Is Back

Netflix was once a main driver of woke ideology’s strong foothold in the cultural discourse. Their platforming of wildly woke, unfunny “comedians” like Hannah Gadsby, coupled with their temporary disinterest in the funniest names in comedy like Shane Gillis forced comedy into the darker corners of the internet and off the streaming platforms. It was only when intrepid young comedians like Gillis and the likes of Mark Normand and Andrew Schulz self-released their comedy on YouTube that Netflix righted the ship and started standing by comedians like Dave Chappelle in the face of woke cancel mobs.

Now, it appears, Netflix has done a full 180, allowing both Schulz and comedian Nikki Glaser to drop the “retard” slur which would once have made you persona-non-grata in Hollywood circles. Glaser said Gronk “puts the tard in retarted,” which is just top notch hilarity if you ask me. Schultz also called him a “hunky retard,” which is not the most creative insult, but still surprising to see it sanctioned on a mainstream platform like Netflix.

10. Consistent Gay Jokes

Speaking of dropping the PC shtick, the roast was rife with gay jokes. I don’t have enough time to include all of them it was so jam packed with them. From Drew Bledsoe, the QB Brady replaced in New England, saying “I am not standing here right now saying Tom Brady is gay … but he sure did fuck me,” to Rob Gronkowski’s entire 12 minute set, which almost exclusively consisted of him finding different ways to call Brady and Julian Edelman gay, the three hour event was jam-packed with borderline homophobic quips and even an instance of a slur. Again, I was pleasantly surprised by how much Netflix let fly.

9. Jeff Ross Burns Robert Kraft So Bad Brady Has To Step In

Jeff Ross, a venerable veteran of the roasting game, came out firing, and packed a punch so hard that even Brady himself had to step in.

Ross was joking about Patriots owner Robert Kraft when Brady appeared to take offense. Prosecutors infamously charged Kraft with soliciting prostitution in 2020 after he allegedly visited a Florida massage parlor in 2020, though they ultimately dropped those charges.

“On the first day of training camp, that scrawny rookie famously walked into the owner Robert Kraft’s office and said ‘I’m the best decision your organization has ever made,'” Ross recounted to much fanfare. ” … would you like a massage?” Ross then joked.

The crowd erupted with laughter as Brady stood up and whispered, though audible enough for Ross’ mic to pick it up, “don’t say that shit again.”

But given the lighthearted nature of the evening, I’m skeptical Brady was actually pissed off and I’m guessing he was just joking. After all, he did tell Ross “no fear, this is what we do.”

8. Jeff Ross Burns OJ

Speaking of Jeff Ross, the Roastmaster General came out wearing a “Roast J Simpson” jersey in honor of the recently passed Buffalo Bills legend/alleged murderer because, and I quote, “I’m about to kill this white bitch right here,” Ross said while pointing to Brady. Absolutely savage.

The juice was indeed loose as Ross said he “just came straight from hell” and that “Aaron Hernandez says hello.”

7. Dana White: “I’m Not Trans Enough For You Liberal Fucks?”

The UFC’s Dana White had a brief but impactful appearance, getting only one minute to tear into Brady and co. But he started his set with a shot at Netflix.

“It pisses me off, I flew all the way out here and you guys give me 60 seconds?” White questioned. “My name is Dana, is that not trans enough for you liberal fucks?”

6. Julian Edelman Makes Light Of Israel v. Hamas 

Legendary Patriots wide receiver and long time Tom Brady teammate Julian Edelman got in on the fun and he, too, did not remotely hold back. Lobbing shots at Gronk’s intelligence and, like many others, making fun of the deceased former Patriot tight end Aaron Hernandez, Edelman followed suit with everyone else who was dropping truly nuclear material on the world. But one joke in particular stood out to me.

“Fun fact, Jeff and I are both Jewish. The difference is I’m the type of Jew that people look at and go ‘oh he’s Jewish?’ and Jeff’s the kind of Jew that makes you want to join Hamas.”

Ho-leeeee shit. The audience audibly groaned at the insanely ballsy nature of that joke in the current political climate. But I love it. First of all, as a Jew, Edelman is allowed to joke about his own people. But second, as horrible as the situation in the middle east is, making fun of it should be squarely on the table.

As the saying in my family goes, “if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.”

5. Ron Burgundy Gets The Entire LA Forum To Call Tom Brady A Bitch

A surprise appearance by Ron Burgundy, Will Ferrell’s amazing lead character in the smash-hit 2004 comedy “Anchorman” may have just stolen the show. Coming out to the Los Angeles Forum by saying how excited he was to be at Madison Square Garden in New York was hilarious, but he then topped it by saying Brady is Eli Manning’s bitch and getting the entire crowd to chant that in unison.

Manning famously defeated Brady in the Super Bowl, twice, including ending Brady and the Patriots’ perfect season in 2008.

As a Giants fan, this moment warmed my heart in ways I can’t describe.

4. Comedians Roast Ben Affleck’s Weird Angry Rant

The low point of the night came when famed Bostonian Ben Affleck crashed in and completely killed the vibe, following a hilarious set from Andrew Schulz and a touching toast between Belichick and Kraft, with a weird, angry, way too serious rant on internet commenters and Belichick. I’m not going to comment on the material other than to say, it was an absolute cringefest. Half of the people on the deus were visibly uncomfortable.

Kevin Hart, the event’s host, had to address the awkwardness after Affleck left, quipping “another piece of white boy humor.”  Jeff Ross than chimed in, adding “this was the first time I ever wished Netflix had commercials.”

3. Brady’s entire set

The only reason Brady doesn’t get top billing from me here is because of just how savage the number one and two jokes were. But the GOAT damn sure made me think twice about putting him in third. The golden boy, at serious risk to his image and personal brand, pulled no punches and went absolutely scorched earth on everything from O.J. Simpson, to 9/11, even throwing shots at his deceased teammate Aaron Hernandez.

Brady sent a ricochet shot at OJ while roasting Peyton Manning, who also made a surprise appearance.

“When I heard there was a slow White Bronco heading down the 405 to come here tonight, I thought we might actually see a real football legend,” Brady opened. (RELATED: O.J. Simpson Dead At 76, Family Announces)

He then made a joke about 9/11, poking fun at the fact that Bledsoe’s injury which led to Brady getting his job, came against the New York Jets. “Like the rest of America, I’ll always remember where I was that fateful day in September of 2001, when tragically, those two Jets slammed into Drew Bledsoe.”

But if that wasn’t shocking enough for the golden pony, his Aaron Hernandez joke truly floored me in terms of shock factor.

While complimenting Gronk, Brady added the caveat “although, the bar for Patriots tight ends was pretty low back then: block, catch … don’t murder.”

Goodness. Gracious. For the uninitiated, Gronk and Brady once played with a tight end named Aaron Hernandez, who was extremely talented and had a bright future in the NFL until he went to jail for murder and ended up allegedly hanging himself.

2. Tony Hinchcliffe Invokes George Floyd

Tony Hinchliffe, the host of the massively popular live podcast “Kill Tony,” appeared briefly to eviscerate everybody and anybody. While his short set was jampacked with racy but hilarious jokes (like saying Kevin Hart’s ancestors were so short that when they picked cotton they called it deadlifting) I’m giving him both the number one AND two spots on the list for the two most insensitive and yet downright hilarious jokes of the night.

Hinchcliffe was tearing into Rob Gronkowski when he said “Gronk you look like the final boss in the George Floyd video game.” Again, the audience audibly groaned as they recognized the potentially cancellable nature of this barb. But Hinchcliffe, who went through his own attempted cancellation in 2021, truly gave no fucks Sunday night, which leads us to our number one moment.

1. Bert’s Kreischer’s Liver

Hinchcliffe’s extremely tight set was fantastic top to bottom, but his Bert Kreischer joke takes the cake.

Kreischer, a fellow comedian famous for drinking heavily, was on the receiving end of a masterfully crafted Hinchliffe zinger about his liver.

“Bert Kreischer is a king, he looks like if the Tiger King and the Liver King only ate Burger King and had a liver that looked like Martin Luther King got beat up by Rodney King.”

Just brutal.

All in all, the event was a huge win for stand-up comedy and free speech in general. The fact that it was live cannot be understated. If that was a scripted show, 75 percent of that material gets left on the cutting room floor. There are just too many middle managers at companies like Netflix who have to justify their jobs by pretending to get offended and cutting otherwise solid jokes. But live, anything can happen. Gronk can go on a 12 minute tirade where he just calls Tom Brady gay the whole time. Just beautiful.