Opinion

The FBI Is Gay

(Photo by Arun Nevader/Getty Images)

Gage Klipper Commentary & Analysis Writer
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Remember when the left made it a sin to use “gay” as a stand in for “bad?”

That’s fine — the FBI is still gay. And they’re also pretty terrible.


Look at these guys marching in the state-sanctioned religious festival known as the “Pride Parade.” The FBI should be the toughest of the tough. They’re meant to thwart major crimes and terrorism. Sure, some of them are jacked, but their commitment to this effete movement shows they have the spiritual fortitude of an old yenta washerwoman.

A look at the physical fitness test tells you all you need to know. To become an agent, all you have to do is pass a certain number of four exercises: sit-ups, push-ups, a 300 meter sprint, and 1.5 mile run. I could do that after a six-pack of Guinness chased with a glass of milk. Talk about weak and gay!

Now here comes the Gaystapo. Not content to just investigate the moms who want to stop public school groomers from transitioning their kids in secret — you know, the real domestic enemies — they’re now taking up a common cause with the groomers themselves. I guess G-Man just stands for Gay Man; who knew?

I’ve been to a straight FBI wedding and can assure you that not all Feds are femmes. But from the looks of this video, it seems as though we’re fast approaching critical mass — and possibly a silver lining. The FBI is getting so gay that one day soon, they might just go extinct.