S.E. Cupp’s Diary: A day in the life

S.E. Cupp Contributor
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My editor here told me months ago that writing a diary like this will help me remember my life. It sounded absurd, but it’s actually brilliant. I can’t remember how I got to work this morning – (Did I take a cab or the subway? Must have teleported) – so how will I remember what I was doing, thinking, feeling 10 years from now? Will I even care? Twitter and Facebook are reliable documentarians, yes, but we’re never as honest in a tweet or a Facebook note as we are in our diaries.

So, unless it becomes tremendously tedious for me or painfully boring for you, I’m going to try to thought-stream regularly here at The Daily Caller. And when someone of appropriate authority politely tells me to stop, I will.

I already warned you this would be really self-indulgent, but after giving it a whirl I encourage everyone to try it at least once. Whether it makes for an interesting read or not is anyone’s guess – but at least in 10 years I’ll have something to prove I didn’t just spend all of 2010 chained to my laptop. Here goes:

Wake up, check e-mails, watch last night’s “Red Eye” on DVR. Suffer from usual post-show malaise, disappointed that I’m not as funny as Jim Norton (or anyone else, for that matter.) Wonder if I’m the Carrot Top of political satire…tell myself it’s best not to go there.

Watch Peyton Manning’s mom pretend to cook jambalaya on “Fox & Friends.” Feeling a little nauseous. Suspect someone is trying to poison me, decide I will try to find a way to pin this on MSNBC. Shower and get dressed.

Pass a jogger on my way to the subway. I sigh loudly and shoot him a dirty look for having the time and energy to run in the morning. He notices, and seems confused and hurt. “Get a job!” I say under my breath, for no apparent reason. I’m alarmed by my totally unwarranted hatred for him and vow to address this.

On subway, I read a few pages of “The Sistine Secrets” by Benjamin Blech, Roy Doliner, recommended by a friend. I think it’s patently anti-Catholic, but am enjoying the history lesson on papal commissions. Decide that “Lorenzo” is a pretty bitchin’ name.

Discover I left my BlackBerry at home by mistake. Am without it less than an hour. Scariest experience in recent memory. Anxiety prompts about four minutes of relatively shallow introspection, questions about technology-dependence and a little womb-nostalgia.

Retrieve phone, relish triumphant return to playing BrickBreaker instead of making eye contact with colleagues in elevator. The world makes sense again.

Read papers, scroll online headlines.

Am told that Beck will deliver keynote address at CPAC. I think this is sure sign he is at least considering future run for office. Decide that idea of President Beck balancing the budget on a blackboard, in a Thomas Paine costume, crying, is kind of awesome.

Rick Warren tweets: “Judging other’s pain is arrogance: ‘It’s easy to condemn those who are suffering, when you have no troubles’ Job 12:5 CEV.” I assume this is a jab at Pat Robertson. Hope this leads to Warren/Robertson Twitter war. Lohan/ Ronson is played.

While wondering what happened to Steve Schmidt to make him such a boorish, classless, puerile dick, I finally figure out who he reminds me of: Stewie Griffin. A big, bald, baby.

Rick Warren confirms assumption that he’s PO’ed at Robertson: “Labeling any natural disaster as God’s judgment is nonsense. True ‘judgment begins with God’s family’1 Peter 4:17, not others.” Oh, SNAP.

“The Back Seat of My Car” comes on my iPod and I think about moving Wings up a notch on my Top Five All-Time Bands list. After some deliberating, I decide they’re fine in the No. 5 slot.

Kathryn Lopez tweets: “it’s too bad the yankees don’t play in jan., or coakley could take in a game today. anything but shake hands outside of fenway.” I laugh, and then pine for baseball, but remember that the Daytona 500 is coming up soon. E-mail Andy Levy to make plans to watch it.

Read Steve Chapman’s piece in Townhall, “Is Obama a Republican?” and answer his preposterous question with a resounding “No.” Sure, Obama’s implemented some conservative policies on national defense – but only by necessity, not choice. I tweet this.

Add a few items to running list of column ideas: Shouldn’t it be the conservative creationists who want to save the polar bears and all of god’s creatures, and the liberal Darwinists who say “Screw ‘em – survival of the fittest, bitches”? Can’t we just drop a bomb on Yemeni al-Qaida camps? Is Avatar un-American and anti-military?

Spend three minutes thinking of a way to meet Judge Judy and convince her to become my second mother. This has to be doable…but I come up blank.

Put finishing touches on new column and send to editor. Check off “Put finishing touches on new column and send to editor” on to-do list.

Read that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have donated $1 million to Haiti. I know they’ve got a lot of mouths to feed at home, but at a combined net worth of $175 million, I’m sort of unimpressed.

Chat with folks at Simon & Schuster about the new book, and beg a few big shots to give me blurbs for the back jacket.

Receive a fan letter from an inmate in the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections. Pleased my demo is improving.
Go over upcoming schedule, iron out details with Web manager for new features, jot down a few notes for Fox hit later, and pick up some research materials at the library for grad school thesis, which I hope some unicorns will come to help me finish.

Watch a clip of my niece drinking hot chocolate, which she believes is coffee, and decide I’ll introduce her to Dunkin’ Donuts French Roast on her third birthday.

Back on subway and on my way home, I read a few more pages of “The Sistine Secrets,” and realize that at this pace I will finish book in June 2013. Feeling pangs of guilt, I congratulate myself for reading at all.

Have 30 minutes to relax before heading out for evening gigs. Watch the end of “Special Report,” eat five baby carrots and two marshmallows, and drink a bottle of water. Read Mother Jones piece blaming Bush/Cheney for Haiti, and American Spectator piece on Catholic case for immigration reform, get ready for work.

I tell myself I will look at this first diary entry in a year and reflect. And then I write “Look at first diary entry in Jan ’11 and reflect” on my to-do list.

S.E. Cupp is co-author of “Why You’re Wrong About The Right,” (Simon & Schuster, June 2008). Her second book, “Losing Our Religion: The Liberal Media’s Attack on Christianity” comes out in April 2010. She is a columnist for the New York Daily News and a regular guest on “Hannity,” “Larry King Live,” “Fox & Friends,” “Geraldo,” “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld,” and others.