For his next trick, Stephen Strasburg will pitch blindfolded as he skateboards through oncoming traffic while also leading an all-boys a capella group in a rendition of “The Safety Dance”—because, honestly, this game looks too easy for him. In his first three spring training outings, the 21-year-old phenom has completed nine inning while surrendering two runs, eight hits, and one walk. He has also struck out twelve batters. Ho-hum. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s an ERA of 2.00, a WHIP of 1.00, a K/9 of 12.00, and a K/BB of 12.00. (The math may not be tough, but the numbers are ridiculous.) What’s more, of the fifteen outs he has recorded that weren’t of the swinging or looking variety, only one has been a fly out.
Strasburg has been so not terrible, in fact, that the Nationals apparently had no choice but to demote him on Saturday to Class AA Harrisburg, where he will start the season, ending his time with the big league club—for now. After all, how could a 6-foot, 4-inch flamethrower with pinpoint control and a plus breaking ball possibly help a team that notched 103 losses last year? (Coincidentally, 103 is the same number of miles per hour that young Strasburg’s fastball has been clocked at. Eerie, we know.)