Opinion

Being queen of your own life (tiara sold separately)

Renee James Contributor
Font Size:

In “A Chorus Line,” the cast share their life journeys with the director and each other, as they audition for a Broadway show. Three of the female dancers tell similar stories, each based on an intimate girlhood memory, and how it helped shape her personality and more important, her love of dance.

In their song, “At the Ballet,” each woman describes that significant moment in her life. While every verse outlines a painful story, the chorus reveals a beautiful place—the ballet – where she felt happy, or pretty or valued, despite every single moment she lived through that tried to convince her otherwise. A place she could pursue and celebrate her own unique gifts and graces. It’s ultimately a song of triumph.

You can see why this message resonates. Like the dancers, I happen to have a scrap of insecurity about one or two or 30 things tucked carefully out of sight, born of a few significant, but not so wonderful, childhood memories. And like many American women who have reached the “new 40,” I’ve tried to diminish these with happier moments, born of my Easy-Bake Oven, Barbie Dream House, Spyder Bicycle, Peter Max posters, and a copy of “Meet the Monkees,” plus real game-changers like a bachelor’s degree, a career, a marriage and children. I don’t think this combination means I’m complex; probably more like 21st century ordinary.

Most women I know have a vulnerable place inside, where we feel lonely, or fearful or dispirited and we seem to nurture these places for a long time; sometimes almost as long as we can remember. Sure, our triumphs over challenges made us roar (in numbers too big to ignore) but let’s agree that if we’ve become successful personal disasters, it may be time to move on and let go of that “you can have it all” idiocy we fell for in 1975, and more.

The good news for women like us is that we can still find our own “ballet.” A new book, “Queen of Your Own Life,” helps us find our own places of contentment and joy, and celebrate the amazing women we are. The subtitle says it all: The Grown-Up Woman’s Guide to Claiming Happiness and Getting the Life You Deserve. (Note: I hate “self-help,” but this feels different. It’s “girlfriend you didn’t know you had” help.)

I know, I know, I know. We’re educated and emancipated. We’re professional people for God’s sake. We sit on the Supreme Court and serve as the Secretary of State. Women run corporations that sell soft drinks and mac and cheese; office products and Kevlar vests. We pursue graduate degrees in medicine, law and business in unprecedented numbers. Do we need this? Really?

Yes. Despite the signs to the contrary, we need this book. All the enlightenment, empowerment, equality and every other “e” word you can think of notwithstanding, we’ve stumbled pretty badly off track. There: I said it. In our steadfast pursuit of combined professional and personal “success” and our resolve to prove our worth, we undervalued what we gave up to achieve it: ourselves.

The book shares wisdom from two women, Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff, who not only accept the second half of life, they delight in it. As only a girlfriend can, they broach such weighty topics as, well, weight (and appearance), clearing the mental clutter, pursuing and valuing friendships, and sincerely committing to success on your terms. (They also define the word “crone,” which—believe me – is even worse than you imagine, but you get past it, I promise.)

I have two questions for women reading this, who may doubt this QOYOL philosophy. At this point in your life, at least once in a while, do you ever think: “Dear God, haven’t I been around long enough, and lived through enough to know better? What happened to who I wanted to be?”

That’s what I thought. Well, guess what: “You don’t have to be 20 to have your whole life ahead of you.” Unlike Scarlett O’Hara, let’s not think of it all tomorrow. Let’s say instead we’ve “made the tough but rewarding journey to the midpoint” of our lives. Let’s position our tiaras, maybe even raise our arms and twirl once or twice, as we banish the bad, welcome the good and celebrate the Queen within.

Renee James writes social commentary and keeps track of the things that mystify her on her blog: It’s not me, it’s you. Her e-mail address is raaj3@msn.com.

PREMIUM ARTICLE: Subscribe To Keep Reading

Sign up

By subscribing you agree to our Terms of Use

You're signed up!

Sign up

By subscribing you agree to our Terms of Use

You're signed up!
Sign up

By subscribing you agree to our Terms of Use

You're signed up!

Sign up

By subscribing you agree to our Terms of Use

You're signed up!
Sign up

By subscribing you agree to our Terms of Use

You're signed up!

Sign Up

By subscribing you agree to our Terms of Use

You're signed up!
Sign up

By subscribing you agree to our Terms of Use

You're signed up!
Sign up

By subscribing you agree to our Terms of Use

You're signed up!
BENEFITS READERS PASS PATRIOTS FOUNDERS
Daily and Breaking Newsletters
Daily Caller Shows
Ad Free Experience
Exclusive Articles
Custom Newsletters
Editor Daily Rundown
Behind The Scenes Coverage
Award Winning Documentaries
Patriot War Room
Patriot Live Chat
Exclusive Events
Gold Membership Card
Tucker Mug

What does Founders Club include?

Tucker Mug and Membership Card
Founders

Readers,

Instead of sucking up to the political and corporate powers that dominate America, The Daily Caller is fighting for you — our readers. We humbly ask you to consider joining us in this fight.

Now that millions of readers are rejecting the increasingly biased and even corrupt corporate media and joining us daily, there are powerful forces lined up to stop us: the old guard of the news media hopes to marginalize us; the big corporate ad agencies want to deprive us of revenue and put us out of business; senators threaten to have our reporters arrested for asking simple questions; the big tech platforms want to limit our ability to communicate with you; and the political party establishments feel threatened by our independence.

We don't complain -- we can't stand complainers -- but we do call it how we see it. We have a fight on our hands, and it's intense. We need your help to smash through the big tech, big media and big government blockade.

We're the insurgent outsiders for a reason: our deep-dive investigations hold the powerful to account. Our original videos undermine their narratives on a daily basis. Even our insistence on having fun infuriates them -- because we won’t bend the knee to political correctness.

One reason we stand apart is because we are not afraid to say we love America. We love her with every fiber of our being, and we think she's worth saving from today’s craziness.

Help us save her.

A second reason we stand out is the sheer number of honest responsible reporters we have helped train. We have trained so many solid reporters that they now hold prominent positions at publications across the political spectrum. Hear a rare reasonable voice at a place like CNN? There’s a good chance they were trained at Daily Caller. Same goes for the numerous Daily Caller alumni dominating the news coverage at outlets such as Fox News, Newsmax, Daily Wire and many others.

Simply put, America needs solid reporters fighting to tell the truth or we will never have honest elections or a fair system. We are working tirelessly to make that happen and we are making a difference.

Since 2010, The Daily Caller has grown immensely. We're in the halls of Congress. We're in the Oval Office. And we're in up to 20 million homes every single month. That's 20 million Americans like you who are impossible to ignore.

We can overcome the forces lined up against all of us. This is an important mission but we can’t do it unless you — the everyday Americans forgotten by the establishment — have our back.

Please consider becoming a Daily Caller Patriot today, and help us keep doing work that holds politicians, corporations and other leaders accountable. Help us thumb our noses at political correctness. Help us train a new generation of news reporters who will actually tell the truth. And help us remind Americans everywhere that there are millions of us who remain clear-eyed about our country's greatness.

In return for membership, Daily Caller Patriots will be able to read The Daily Caller without any of the ads that we have long used to support our mission. We know the ads drive you crazy. They drive us crazy too. But we need revenue to keep the fight going. If you join us, we will cut out the ads for you and put every Lincoln-headed cent we earn into amplifying our voice, training even more solid reporters, and giving you the ad-free experience and lightning fast website you deserve.

Patriots will also be eligible for Patriots Only content, newsletters, chats and live events with our reporters and editors. It's simple: welcome us into your lives, and we'll welcome you into ours.

We can save America together.

Become a Daily Caller Patriot today.

Signature

Neil Patel