DC Trawler

Help Sam Waterston pick an opening line for his poem at the Rally to Whistle Past the Graveyard

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The big news everybody’s talking about is that Sam Waterston is going to be speaking at the Jon Stewart rally tomorrow. Sam Waterston! He’s going to read a poem. The problem is that he’s an inveterate procrastinator, the knucklehead. He and I have been e-mailing back and forth over the last few days, and he’s been testing out some possible opening couplets:

Free the health care, open the border

‘Cause I’m the dude from Law & Order


Ripped from the headlines, slapped on the screen

I’m only here to replace Charlie Sheen


I can lock up a bad guy in under an hour

But even I’m helpless to make you all shower


You see me on TNT 10 times a day

Let’s huddle together to keep Rove at bay


Roses are red, violets isn’t

Time’s running out to put George Bush in prison


You trust what I say ’cause I waggle my head

But if I were king, I would see you all dead

Yeah, nothing’s really clicking. Once he gets that opening line nailed down, he says the rest will just flow. But he needs your help. Please leave your ideas in the comments, or on Twitter with the hashtag #waterstonpoems. This might be America’s last shot, people!

P.S. Note to the National Park Service: Any trash left on the mall tomorrow will actually be a wryly satirical takedown of littering.

P.P.S. If Sam Waterston’s poetry slam doesn’t draw you to DC, how about the dazzling star power of Stiller & Meara?

Jim Treacher