1.) Obama vs. pretty much everybody — What’s the latest on the Neverending Horse Race, AKA Election 2012? TheDC’s Alexis Levinson reports: “President Barack Obama would tie with Rick Perry, lose to Mitt Romney and face a tough race against Ron Paul or Michele Bachmann in a head-to-head race, according to a nationwide Gallup poll released Monday. Romney is the strongest candidate against the sitting president, leading Obama 48 to 46 percent among registered voters. Perry, who has been in the race for just over a week, ties with Obama, both receiving 47 percent of the vote. Obama narrowly beats out Ron Paul, 47 to 45 percent, and holds only a slightly larger lead against Michele Bachmann — 48 to 44 percent.” Maybe Obama shouldn’t have worked so hard to knock Trump out of the race. He was doing fine against that dude.
2.) BREAKING: Guy who’s never said he’s running for president not running for president — Now that even Ron Paul is gaining on Obama, it’s no wonder Republicans have been lining up to replace this miserable failure. But Paul Ryan won’t be one of the contenders. TheDC’s Alex Pappas reports: “House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan is closing the door — again — on a run for president in 2012. Ryan, a Wisconsin GOP congressman, has been reconsidering his decision not to make a run for the White House. But in a statement released by his campaign on Monday, he said that’s no longer the case. ‘While humbled by the encouragement, I have not changed my mind,’ Ryan said, ‘and therefore I am not seeking our party’s nomination for President.'” Which is too bad. Not only would Ryan be a good candidate, he might even make a good president. Well, he’s young and history is on his side. Maybe someday.
3.) Sheriff Joe puts yet another hole in his boot — Joe Biden called Tea Partiers “terrorists” and got sent on a slow boat to China. How could his big mouth get him in trouble all the way out there? Welllll… TheDC’s Caroline May reports: “Pro-life advocates are not pleased with comments Vice President Joe Biden made during his appearance at Sichuan University in Chengdu, China, Sunday. Following his prepared remarks about the U.S. debt, Biden answered a question about how America can reduce deficits and strengthen America’s financial system. His response included a tacit acceptance of China’s one-child policy — a mandate which has resulted in mass abortions, sterilizations and heavy penalties for violators. In explaining the demographic concerns of funding for future generations, Biden cited the Chinese policy. ‘But as I was talking to some of your leaders, you share a similar concern here in China. You have no safety net,’ Biden said. ‘Your policy has been one which I fully understand — I’m not second-guessing — of one child per family. The result being that you’re in a position where one wage earner will be taking care of four retired people. Not sustainable.'” Don’t get Sheriff Joe wrong, China. He fully understands why you’re killing all your girl babies! Oh, Joe. You’re going to make a fine president.
4.) No mud for oil — What do we want? A protest! When do we want it? Whenever! TheDC’s C.J. Ciaramella reports: “United States Park Police arrested another gaggle of protesters outside of the White House Monday. The protesters were participating in an ongoing demonstration against the proposed Keystone XL pipeline. Police arrested 52 protesters for blocking the sidewalk in front of the White House, the third round of mass arrests since the protests began on Saturday. The protesters are calling on President Barack Obama not to approve the Keystone XL pipeline — a proposed expansion of an existing line that would transport crude oil from the Athabasca Oil Sands in Alberta, Canada, to refineries in Illinois and Oklahoma, and down to the U.S. Gulf Coast. The protesters at Monday’s demonstration wore pro-Obama buttons and called on the president to honor his campaign promises. ‘Obama said he was going to take care of the environment,’ said Brad Teal, one of the demonstrators. ‘And now we’d like to get him to honor that commitment.'” So far there’s been no response from Obama, Santa Claus, Spider-Man, Harry Potter, or anyone else the protesters have ever believed in. They’re going to feel silly when they realize Obama isn’t even home this week. Just kidding. If they were capable of shame, they wouldn’t be environmentalists.
5.) Labash holds grudge against grunge — Matt Labash has forgotten more about rock criticism than you’ll ever know. (It’s a side effect of his medication.) In this week’s “Ask Matt Labash,” he explains that the only thing worse than ’80s music was ’90s music. And what of the man commonly held responsible for killing off bands like Warrant, Ratt, Whitesnake, and the other giants of rock who brought us all together in mutual loathing? Labash opines: “Is Kurt Cobain, who killed hair metal before killing himself, responsible for that? Probably not. But let’s go ahead and blame him anyway. That droning, sad-sack smack-head, with all his bitching and bellyaching and worrying about his authenticity, got on my nerves. Rock ‘n roll — it’s supposed to be fun. He turned it into a chore and a suicide cult. The question isn’t why did he blow his brains out? It’s why didn’t we do the same when listening to Nirvana’s ‘I Hate Myself and Want to Die’?” Jani Lane will have his revenge on Seattle.
6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Adam Baldwin’s Twitter feed — “Leftist ‘Logic’: Obama ‘takes lead’ in Afghanistan = US should now quit in defeat; Obama does not take lead in #Libya #NotWar = victory?”
VIDEO: Herman Cain fires back at Olbermann, Garofalo, and other racists
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