Job creation 101 with The Daily Caller

Michael Watson Contributor
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Daily Caller White House Correspondent Neil Munro first reported today on the talking points that the White House has distributed to its liberal allies in advance of President Obama’s speech to a joint session of Congress this evening.

The president will be focused on job creation, so we rolled up our sleeves and tried to keep a few mission critical American workers — the intrepid bartenders — employed for at least one more night.

In the interest of mentally preparing TheDC’s readers, many of whom will be watching tonight’s presidential address from a watering hole, we are proud to present the “Kickoff Classic Obama Jobs Speech to a Joint Session of Congress that David Vitter Isn’t Attending Because the Speech Won’t Be That Great and He’s a Huge Saints Fan” drinking game.

Listen for the following key words and phrases from the White House talking points. When you hear one, just follow the instructions. Don’t forget to tip your cocktail waitress. And please: Spin responsibly.

    “Bipartisan” — Mix cheap red wine with blue Curaçao. Enjoy the sangria-of-death taste of red and blue coming together to screw you over.
    “Country before party” — Chug a Budweiser. For America.
    “Infrastructure” — Construct a throne from empty beer cases, then order your subjects to take shots of rice wine.
    “Unemployment benefits” — Pick one person to take a sip from everyone else’s beer.
    “We need to do more than just recover” — Pre-remedy your hangover with a shot of black espresso.
    “Mortgage” — Try to buy a top-shelf shot on credit. Fail when your credit card is denied.
    “Green energy” — Take a shot of wheat grass.
    “Gridlock” — Choose between a shot of Bacardi 151 or two shots of Bacardi 151. No one wins.
    “Over the next 5 years” — Mix up a shot of spiked Kool-Aid. Chase with harsh reality or blind faith.
    “Our children” — One part vodka + two parts Juicy Juice. Do it.
    “The media” — If you’re watching on CNN, take a shot of vodka. Fox: Can of Coors. MSNBC: Finish your apple-tini.
    “Congress” — Mix up a cocktail of ethics charges, incompetence and bulging-junk tweets. Enjoy with a fine steak. Have your roommate pay for the meal and bill his client.
    “Minimum wage” — Go out and buy a cheap beer at a Georgetown bar. Should cost you the whole $7.25.

Disclaimer: The Daily Caller does not advocate drinking games while watching television. But ping-pong is a different matter entirely.

Jordan Bloom contributed to this article.