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1.) A free man in an unfree land? — Edward Snowden is so in love with freedom and transparency that he has no problem going to countries lacking freedom and transparency. Wait a minute. That doesn’t make sense. TheDC’s Josh Peterson reports:
“Edward Snowden, the 29-year-old former National Security Agency contractor responsible for exposing two classified Internet and phone surveillance programs used to target terrorists, is en route to Ecuador from Hong Kong as he seeks asylum from the U.S. government. Wikileaks announced Snowden’s intentions in a statement Sunday afternoon. Stating that he left Hong Kong legally, the organization said that Snowden ‘is being escorted by diplomats and legal advisors from WikiLeaks.'”
En route to his final destination, Snowden reportedly went to Russia, which stands for freedom in the same way the KKK stands for tolerance and Arnold Schwarzenegger stands for marital fidelity. According to Freedom House, the press in Ecuador is unfree while the country as a whole is only partially free.
2.) Oh SNAP! — A House Republican staffer says he enjoyed the week he acted like he was on food stamps. TheDC’s Caroline May reports:
“A GOP staffer declared victory Sunday over the ‘SNAP Challenge,’ or a week living on a food stamp budget of $4.50 a day. ‘Nothing tastes better than debunking liberalism,’ Donny Ferguson, communications director and agriculture policy advisor for Texas Republican Rep. Steve Stockman, said in a statement. ‘I proved there’s still lots of room to cut unsustainable welfare spending and still have filling, delicious meals.’ Ferguson announced his participation in the SNAP Challenge last week, after dozens of Democratic House members protested cuts to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), or food stamps, in the House farm bill. The bill ultimately failed last week in large part due to disagreements over the cuts to SNAP.”
3.) Kerry and the Taliban — In yet another satirical scoop, TheDC’s Jamie Weinstein and Will Rahn have obtained the secret emails from John Kerry to the Taliban trying to lay the ground work for peace negotiations. Mullah Omar doesn’t seem very receptive in the emails:
“As surely as the world is flat, you and your infidel brethren will burn in a fiery inferno of hellish fire. We will never accept infidel domination of our lands, not of al-Andalus (Spain) or Palestine, and not lands that should and will one day be ours, which include all lands where beats of the earth roam and all seas where fish proliferate. My followers and I would rather bathe in pigs blood or spin a dreidel than meet for tea with an infidel member of the Zionist-Crusader alliance to negotiate anything. But in a spirit of mercy, I am prepared to make a generous offer.”
Check out the full faux exchange.
4.) A boom! to Mayor Bloom — Mayor Bloomberg has lost a team member. TheDC’s Patrick Howley reports:
“An independent Illinois mayor is leaving New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s anti-gun coalition because he said the group strayed from its original mission and became too focused on pushing for an assault-weapons ban. ‘I’ve dropped out of a group called Mayors Against Illegal Guns (MAIG),’ Rockford, Illinois mayor Larry Morrissey said at a Rockford Tea Party town hall Saturday as the crowd burst into applause. ‘The reason why I joined the group in the first place is because I took the name for what it said. Against ‘Illegal’ guns.’ ‘The challenge that we see day in and day out in the city of Rockford is not dealing primarily with assault weapons or machine guns, automatic weapons. It’s dealing with a typical handgun. All of those typical weapons are usually in the hands of people who are prohibited from having them,’ Morrissey said.”
5.) Tweet of Yesterday — KimJongNumberUn: Yo Edward Snowden: please settle in North Korea. We do not spy on phones or the Internet. In fact, we do not have phones or the Internet.
6.) Today in North Korean News — BREAKING: “Foreign Tourists Admire at Scenic Mt. Kumgang in Korea”
VIDEO: Bill Maher hammers liberals “who don’t quite get it” when it comes to Islam
