Candidate wins election in Houston by pretending to be black

Patrick Howley Political Reporter
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A white Republican in Texas won a local election by pretending to be black.

Conservative Dave Wilson, running for Houston Community College Board of Trustees in a heavily-black Democratic district against 24-year incumbent Bruce Austin, implicitly passed himself off as a black man and scored a resounding 26-vote victory.

“I caught him flat-footed,” Wilson told the Daily Caller. “He pretty much thought he had this in the bag without having to run.”

“There hasn’t been one voter who called me up and said they were deceived. The only people who said they were deceived were my opponent and the liberal media,” Wilson said.

Wilson’s campaign flyers featured images of black people smiling and messages such as “Please vote for our friend and neighbor Dave Wilson.” Wilson also touted the endorsement of his cousin, who happens to share the same name as a former black state representative from the area.

Wilson’s campaign website features a photo of a group of black people while touting Wilson’s accurate record as a small business owner, founder of a non-profit school that teaches electrical training, a church member, and the father of a son who served in Afghanistan.

Most remarkably, Wilson ran a campaign radio ad featuring two black women discussing the merits of his candidacy.

“Have you been keeping up with the HCCC District 2 race?” asked one black woman in the ad.

“The one between Dave Wilson and Bruce Austin?” responded the other black woman.

“Yes, that’s the one. It’s the strangest thing. That Bruce Austin voted against six million dollars in scholarships for our children right here in our neighborhood… Girl, please, I bet he has relatives that could have used some of that scholarship money he voted against. I’ve had about enough of him,” said the first woman.

After nullifying the effects of identity politics, Wilson said that he won “fair and square,” citing public dissatisfaction with the Board of Trustees’ performance.

“Enrollment is declining, and tuition is going up,” Wilson said. “They bought a piece of property and spent $8.3 million on it, when the price was $2.4 million. It’s in a flood valley so you can’t build on it. They bought several other pieces of property like that.”

Wilson also criticized the tactics of his Democratic opponent Austin, who Wilson claimed spent money on HCCC foreign partnerships in countries like Qatar and Saudi Arabia while tuition went up in Houston.

“We figured what he’d do is play the race card. He sent out a flyer saying I was a right-wing hate monger and it had four reasons not to vote for me. One was that I was a conservative Republican, and two was that I advocated the return of chain gangs to pick up litter on the highway. The flyer was real inflammatory. He sent it out about a week before the election. After he sent that piece out, people knew what color I was,” Wilson said. “I chose to stick with the issues.”

“He’s pretty upset. I do know that he’s going around soliciting funds for a recount, but he’s not having much luck,” Wilson said.

As of press time, liberal mainstream journalists were simultaneously scoffing so frantically that gale force winds are expected throughout the night in the Greater Washington, D.C. area.

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Patrick Howley