In America, soccer’s popularity dips and rises like the stock market. But if Melanie Collins remains a part of it, odds are, your closet is about to house a Clint Dempsey jersey.
Here’s sports’ worst-kept secret: Soccer can be boring. Like, “What’s the nearest utensil I can jam in my eye to get out of this ‘ole, ole, ole-ing’ hellhole before someone munches on my shoulder” boring.
And here’s mankind’s worst-kept secret: Attractive women turn smart guys into cavemen.
Yahoo Sports’ Collins, pictured below with miniature Minotaur Ndamukong Suh, could turn Elon Musk into Barney Rubble.
Loved hanging with this guy today! @NdamukongSuh @Nike @YahooSports #1N1T pic.twitter.com/piesxUjIHw
— Melanie Collins (@Melanie_Collins) June 21, 2014
Make no mistake, in the name of patriotism, I already planned to drape myself in a red, white and blue cape, blare Neil Diamond’s “America” and deep-fry anything with a filling today.
If Belgium bests the U.S. men’s national team now, though, and Collins is replaced by someone who looks prepped for a Cialis commercial, I’m hoarding every Belgian waffle from Sam’s Club and frisbee-ing them, one by one, into the nearest wood chipper.
![(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)](https://dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Melanie-Collins-79-e1404237390472.jpg)
(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)
![(Photo: Twitter)](https://dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Screen-Shot-2014-07-01-at-10.15.26-AM-e1404237447454.png)
(Photo: Twitter)
![(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)](https://dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Screen-Shot-2014-07-01-at-10.16.20-AM-e1404237430249.png)
(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)
![(Photo: Instagram)](https://dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Screen-Shot-2014-07-01-at-10.09.33-AM-e1404237469259.png)
(Photo: Instagram)
![(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)](https://dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Melanie-Collins-89-1024x768-e1404237414541.jpg)
(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)
![(Photo: Twitter)](https://dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Screen-Shot-2014-07-01-at-10.05.34-AM-e1404237483886.png)
(Photo: Twitter)