The wild, wild West. Peyton remains behind his much better brother Eli in Super Bowl rings, Philip Rivers continues to father enough children to form his own football team, Andy Reid is what diabetes would look like as a coach and the ghost of Al Davis still haunts the Raiders.
Denver Broncos
Coach: John Fox
No surprise here. You could surround Peyton with a heap of trash and blind guys and he’d still throw for an absurd amount of yards. The fact that he’s got some weapons and a decent defense to back him up doesn’t change that.
A lot of people are concerned with Manning being 38, but I don’t think that matters much so long as he can stay upright. He’ll decline a little bit after losing Eric Decker, but not much. The dude just can’t lose. It’s actually getting annoying. We get it. You’ve only had two seasons with less than 10 wins in your career. Win another one and get out of the damn game. Oh, yeah. I guess the team does have some other people on it. Montee Ball/Demaryius Thomas/Emmanuel Sanders/Julius Thomas/Insert any other player here will probably do okay.
The defense lost some players, including veteran Champ Bailey, but still looks like a strong unit. DeMarcus Ware paired with Von Miller is downright scary. Maybe Aqib Talib won’t get high and assault people. Or maybe he will. It’d be more exciting than watching Manning succeed again. Talib’s one of the best cornerbacks in the game, but I’m perfectly fine watching him punch people.
Notable Losses: RB Knowshon Moreno, WR Eric Decker, CB Champ Bailey
Notable Additions: WR Emannuel Sanders, CB Aqib Talib, DE DeMarcus Ware
Notable Draft Picks: G Jack Meowhart, WR Donte Moncrief, LB Andrew Jackson
2013 Record: 13-3, AFC Champion
AFC North Record: 5-1
Best Case Scenario: 14-2, AFC Champion
Super Bowl losers often don’t bounce back well. But most Super Bowl losers don’t have Peyton Manning and a somehow improved defense.
Worst Case Scenario: 10-6, Wild Card
The AFC West does have some talent to contend with Manning, but there’s no way this team loses less than six games. A rematch against the Seahawks in Week Three should also be fun.
2014 Schedule:
vs. Colts
vs. Chiefs
@ Seahawks
Bye
vs. Cardinals
@ Jets
vs. 49ers
vs. Chargers
@ Patriots
@ Raiders
@ Rams
vs. Dolphins
@ Chiefs
vs. Bills
@ Chargers
@ Bengals
vs. Raiders
San Diego Chargers
Coach: Mike McCoy
San Diego really came out of nowhere last year. They were written off, yet somehow managed to gain the second Wild Card spot. Most of that is thanks to Philip “I’ll Keep Having As Many Babies As I Please” Rivers. Seriously, the dude’s got seven children. SEVEN! No wonder he’s been able to put up with mediocre play from his supporting cast for years. He’s too exhausted to care.
In all seriousness though, Rivers killed it last year. The guy was pretty much considered finished. He finally had a good receiver in Keenan Allen. Antonio Gates is so done, but Ladarius Green is waiting in the wings. Ryan Matthews still blows, but maybe sharing the load with Donald Brown will help.
The D should see a slight boost as well. Brandon Flowers comes over from Kansas City and already said he’s hungry. Melvin Ingram returns from a torn ACL. Corey Liuget has to not suck and Manti Te’o has to not get duped by invisible women to not have a gutter defense. All said, the Chargers won’t do much better than last year, but 9-7 didn’t stop them from reaching the playoffs.
2013 Record: 9-7, 3rd in AFC West, Wild Card
AFC North Record: 4-2
Notable Losses: CB Derek Cox, FB Le’Ron McClain, QB Charlie Whitehurst
Notable Additions: CB Brandon Flowers, RB Donald Brown, QB Kellen Clemens
Notable Draft Picks: CB Jason Verrett, NT Ryan Carrethers, LB Jeremiah Attaochu
Best Case Scenario: 11-5, AFC West Champion
Who knows? Maybe Manning goes down and all of a sudden this somewhat okay team takes the division. Stranger things have happened.
Worst: 6-10
Honestly, the basement for this team isn’t that bad. They still have a lot of the same pieces and will most likely stay at about 9-7. Not much improvement, but can’t be much worse.
2014 Schedule:
@ Cardinals
vs. Seahawks
@ Bills
vs. Jaguars
vs. Jets
@ Raiders
vs. Chiefs
@ Broncos
@ Dolphins
Bye
vs. Raiders
vs. Rams
@ Ravens
vs. Patriots
vs. Broncos
@ 49ers
@ Chiefs
Kansas City Chiefs
Coach: Andy Reid
How many ways can such a good season go so wrong? Blowing a 28-point lead to the Colts? Of course. Change schemes and render one of the best corners in the league moot? Sure. Alex Smith demanding elite money? Just lay it on baby.
This team is going to see some serious setbacks. Jamaal Charles will continue to be awesome because he’s a freak of nature. He honestly should be in the discussion for best running back in the league. There’s a bit of a dropoff after Charles. Smith sucks, and I don’t care what anyone says. He’s a better version of Matt Cassel. Nothing more. Dwayne Bowe is suspended four games for asking the police to take him to Sonic after getting a DUI. Seriously, that happened. Now Donnie Avery is the number one receiver. The offensive line is in shambles. Andy Reid sure knows how to suck the jelly filling out of a delicious donut quickly.
Defensively, the team is pretty shored up along the front seven. Hali and Houston are a quarterback’s nightmare. Dontari Poe is a wrecking ball. Derrick Johnson is one of the best linebackers in the game. The secondary, however, has some issues. Eric Berry will continue to be a stud, but everyone else is suspect. The team lacks electricity on special teams now as well with the departure of Dexter McCluster. Should be a fun year.
2013 Record: 11-5 2nd in AFC West, Wild Card
AFC North Record: 2-4
Notable Losses: CB Brandon Flowers, OT Branden Albert, G Jon Asamoah
Notable Additions: G Jeff Linkenbach, DT Vance Walker, LB Joe Mays
Notable Draft Picks: OLB Dee Ford, CB Phillip Gaines, QB Aaron Murray
Best Case Scenario: 10-6, Wild Card
It will take a miracle for Andy Reid to put down the barbecue long enough to win this many games. I’ll go so far as to say last year wasn’t a fluke, but too many positions dropped off in talent.
Worst: 6-10
The Chiefs have enough talent that they won’t completely tank out. But they definitely won’t be wowing anyone like this past season. Andy Reid is too overrated and too fat to do anything well (like say giving Jamaal Charles any carries), Alex Smith is garbage and the defense will be on the field too much.
2014 Schedule:
vs. Titans
@ Broncos
@ Dolphins
vs. Patriots
@ 49ers
Bye
@ Chargers
vs. Rams
vs. Jets
@ Bills
vs. Seahawks
@ Raiders
vs. Broncos
@ Cardinals
vs. Raiders
@ Steelers
vs. Chargers
Oakland Raiders
Coach: Dennis Allen
Just win, baby! Well at least 20 years ago. Not anymore. The Raiders have been the worst team in the NFL since their Super Bowl appearance. Most of that can be attributed to a senile Al Davis running the team. But he’s gone now. Yet the Raiders are still looking like they’re not going to do too well.
Matt Schaub was signed to be the starting quarterback. Most can probably guess where this is going because Derek Carr was named the starter. Rod Streeter and James Jones as targets won’t help the man at all. A decent offensive line will save him some of the woes of being a literal tackling dummy like his brother in Houston, but we’ll see how long that holds up. The good news is Maurice Jones-Drew and Darren McFadden look pretty good at running back. The bad news is they have to rely on Maurice Jones-Drew and Darren McFadden at running back.
When you look at the other side of the ball, Da Raiders aren’t doing much better. It’s a who’s who of castoffs from other teams. Justin Tuck and LaMarr Woodley might help. Carlos Rogers won’t. Charles Woodsen was signed to play safety, but he’s 38 and is a viable option to break down at any moment.
2013 Record: 4-12, 4th in AFC West
AFC East Record: 1-5
Notable Losses: RB Rashad Jennings, DT Vance Walker, WR Jacoby Ford
Notable Additions: QB Matt Schaub, RB Maurice Jones-Drew, DE Justin Tuck
Notable Draft Picks: LB Khalil Mack, QB Derek Carr, NT Justin Ellis
Best Case Scenario: 7-9
The Raiders are just too full of castoffs to pull together a .500 season. A rookie quarterback doesn’t help. Neither do fragile running backs. The team is just a mess. Unless Keanu Reeves comes out of retirement a la “The Replacements,” this team isn’t going anywhere.
Worst: 2-14
Look at the bright side, Oakland. You’ll at least win games against the Jets and Browns!
2014 Schedule:
@ Jets
vs. Texans
@ Patriots
vs. Dolphins
Bye
vs. Chargers
vs. Cardinals
@ Browns
@ Seahawks
vs. Broncos
@ Chargers
vs. Chiefs
@ Rams
vs. 49ers
@ Chiefs
vs. Bills
@ Broncos
