DC Trawler

Hey, France: I’ll Name My Kid Nutella If I Damn Well Please

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After the Charlie Hebdo massacre, France has become a rather unlikely hotspot in the neverending battle for free speech. But as a culture, the French are even bigger busybodies than we are.

Yaron Steinbuch, NY Post:

A French judge has ordered the parents of a baby girl not to name her Nutella — to save her from a lifetime of teasing…

The parents had wanted to name the girl after the popular chocolate-hazelnut spread, but the judge ruled the moniker would not be in the best interests of the child…

When they failed to appear for a November hearing, the judge ordered the name be changed to Ella.

What’s the judge’s name? If I don’t like it, can I force him to change it to a name I prefer? If not, why not?

If parents want to name their kids Nutella, or Vegemite, or whatever else, that’s between them and their poor children. Why the hell is a judge wasting time determining if a baby’s name isn’t in her “best interests”? Is France really free of all other problems already?

In honor of this family and their subjugation by meddling fascists, I hereby change my stupid pseudonym from “Jim Treacher” to “Skippy Jif Smucker.” Come at me, Pierre.

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Jim Treacher