There’s been so much news about the Religion of Peace this week, even your favorite Islamophobe hasn’t been able to keep up. My head is spinning, and it hasn’t even been cut off by ISIS yet! So here’s a quick look at some of the stories you might have missed.

First up, from Laura Yuen and Mukhtar Ibrahim at Minnesota Public Radio News:

An Eagan man accused of providing material support to the terrorist organization ISIS in Syria made his first court appearance Thursday morning before a federal judge.

Abdirizak Warsame, a 20-year-old security guard, was ordered held pending a detention hearing on Tuesday…

Prosecutors say Warsame encouraged the planned departures of several friends who have since been charged in the massive terrorism case — and at one point, was named their leader, according to a court document filed Wednesday.

Warsame is the 10th Twin Cities man federal authorities have charged with planning to join the terror group ISIS in Syria.

Ten. Is that a big number? I mean, there are something like 1.5 billion Muslims in the world. Ten doesn’t seem like that many.

By the way, had you guys heard about this “massive terrorism case” before this week? Am I coming in late here? Well, good luck finding a motive, everybody.

Next up, from the unstoppable Chuck Ross:

A former Department of Homeland Security agent says that an investigation he was conducting into a fundamentalist Islamic group operating in the U.S. may have helped stop San Bernardino jihadi Syed Farook had the government not shut down his probe.

During an interview with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly on Thursday, Philip Haney said that in 2012 as an agent with U.S. Customs and Border Protection’s National Targeting Center, he opened an investigation into a Sunni Islamic group called, Tablighi Jamaat, a subset of the fundamentalist Deobandi movement…

The reason the investigation was quashed? Because the federal government did not want to profile Islamic groups, Haney told Kelly.

Oh well. Sure, it’s inconvenient when a few privileged white Americans wander into jihadi bullets or knives or bombs or whatever, but it’s a small price to pay for protecting the precious feelings of Muslims. Be careful, infidels, or you’ll get an earful from CAIR.

In related news, Jonah Bennett reports:

The FBI has taken heat for failing to immediately classify the San Bernardino shootings as terrorism, but a new report shows that FBI reluctance could have been due to external pressure from the White House.

A source told Jack Murphy of SOFREP that the FBI instantly believed the shooting, which left 14 dead, to be a clear act of terrorism. The White House, however, didn’t feel the same way and quickly moved in to squash the terror classification…

Part of the reason for trying to avoid the designation of the shootings as terrorism is because it threatens to upset the Obama administration’s strategy in Syria.

That’s weird. First, the Obama administration refused, for political reasons, to investigate the scumbags who went on to murder 14 people in San Bernardino. Then, the Obama administration tried to stop the attack from being Islamic terrorism by somehow wishing it away.

I think we all know who to blame here: those dirty, filthy Republicans.

But hey, at least emptying out Gitmo is proceeding apace, right? How’s that going? According to Thomas Joscelyn at the Long War Journal:

Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) released a new video featuring a former Guantanamo detainee, Ibrahim Qosi, who is also known as Sheikh Khubayb al Sudani.

In July 2010, Qosi plead guilty to charges of conspiracy and material support for terrorism before a military commission. His plea was part of a deal in which he agreed to cooperate with prosecutors during his remaining time in US custody. Qosi was transferred to his home country of Sudan two years later, in July 2012.

Qosi joined AQAP in 2014 and became one of its leaders.

Welcome back, Qosi! Glad you’re overcoming that career hiccup. See you on the battlefield.

And speaking of Obama’s victories in the War on Islamophobia, Felicia Schwartz at the WSJ reports:

Pentagon officials misled Congress about negotiations leading to the release of Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl from Taliban captivity, according to a report released Thursday by Republican members of the House Armed Services Committee.

The nearly 100-page report alleges that the exchange of Sgt. Bergdahl for the “Taliban Five”—Taliban detainees held by the U.S. at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba—violated federal law by failing to notify Congress about the plan and not informing lawmakers within 30 days of a transfer of prisoners from Guantanamo…

The report also accused the Obama administration of failing to take proper precautions to mitigate the threat of the Taliban Five once they were transferred.

“Precautions.” Phhhhhht. What’s the worst that could happen?

By the way, Bergdahl is the subject of the new season of the “Serial” podcast, debuting this week. So this is the first time America’s hipsters are hearing about him.

This is all some pretty heavy stuff, huh? Let’s lighten the mood a bit. How about… Florida? There’s always something silly going on in Florida. WFTV, Orlando:

A man was taken into federal custody Thursday on charges of possession of ammunition by an unlawful or illegal alien, according to the Department of Justice.

Authorities said Hamid Rehaif, 24, who was in the country illegally, is being held without bail at the Seminole County Jail.

Federal agents said Rehaif, a citizen of the United Arab Emirates, raised suspicions after he checked in and out of the Hotel Rialto in Melbourne throughout a 53-day period.

Law enforcement agents said Rehaif paid more than $11,000 in cash for room fees.

In the country illegally, stocking up on ammo, dropping huge sums of cash from an unknown source… Sounds legit!

I think there might be a story or two or twenty that I still missed, but you get the idea. Now that we’ve got that nonsense out of the way, let’s get back to our top priorities as a nation: banning guns and freaking out about the weather.

Hooray for Utopia!

P.S. I knew I forgot one: Hillary Clinton is lying about the families of the Benghazi victims.

P.P.S. North Texas Mosque Shut Down For Funding Terrorism. Weird, right?