With the Powerball lottery jackpot currently at an unfathomably enormous $1.4 billion as of Monday afternoon, many people likely have questions about how exactly the lottery works.
Thankfully, Powerball itself has you covered with its refreshingly honest, surprisingly bizarre Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) page. It’s filled with humor one doesn’t normally associate with a quasi-government entity like the Multi-State Lottery Association.
Whoever wrote the page has apparently received the same irritating questions many times, and the FAQ carries a rather world-weary attitude as a result:
MY NUMBERS ARE: XX-XX-XX-XX-XX-XX; DID I WIN?
We can’t check numbers for a million folks a week. You can check your numbers on the web site. Teach a man to fish. Please go to:http://www.powerball.com/powerball/pb_numbers.asp
CAN I BUY POWERBALL TICKETS THROUGH THE INTERNET?
No. Start with that answer and then slowly back into “sometimes”. Gambling is illegal in the United States. A State has the right to gamble or create a lottery ONLY within its borders … No one can sell lottery tickets by mail or over the Internet across state lines or the U.S. national border. No one except the lottery or their licensed retailers can sell a lottery ticket. No one. Not even us. No one. No, not even that web site. Or that one. You really don’t need to send me questions about a specific site. None of them can legally sell lottery tickets across a state border or the U.S. border. No.
CAN I PLAY POWERBALL FROM OUTSIDE THE STATE OR THE U.S.?
No. Repeat as necessary. If that changes, we will say “yes” here and tell you how.
DO POWERBALL TICKETS EXPIRE?
Yes. The Universe is decaying and nothing lasts forever.
I GOT AN EMAIL SAYING THAT I WON THE LOTTERY; IS IT LEGITIMATE?
NO. It is a common scam. We get over 100 emails letters and phone calls each week asking this question; and this has gone on for several years. We even get emails sent here telling us that we’ve won the Powerball.
Other questions have answers that enter into the realm of surrealist humor:
IS THERE A SECRET TO IMPROVE YOUR CHANCE OF WINNING POWERBALL?
Yes … First, we need to cover some things that don’t work. Swinging a live chicken above your head while wishing for the future numbers does NOT work. There is no improvement to be had by swinging a dead chicken. Although I have not tested it, swinging a bucket of extra crispy is not likely to work either. We have had winners who played their fortune cookie numbers – on two occasions – but such things are just bound to happen sometimes. It is also no good to follow the alignment of the planets or the arrangement of tea leaves or any other such thing. Any of these ideas will win sometimes, but that is just chance working its magic.
The FAQ caps off with a series of comments the page has received regarding its FAQ page. Some of the highlights include:
- “I must say I found your responds to be slammin’.”
- “I WILL REPORT YOU TO THE AUTHORITIES.”
- “kiss my *** ok u fat **** head” [edited]
Besides its oddball FAQ, Powerball’s website also maintains a special page dedicated to some of the more unusual letters it has received (bad grammar and all), and the responses it sent back:
FROM Debora W: i don’t remember my powerball numbers. my name is debora w—-
The number is on your Powerball ticket. Your ticket is under the seat of your car, between the seat and the car door.
FROM BH: Hello Powerball Charles Strutt: Here is my updated powerball spreadsheet, hopefully not to many transcription errors, I’m running stats as well the current sort shows how many drawings out specific powerball numbers are for both wed and saturday also yellow = current, green 2 hits, red=3, blue=4 clear five or more. Having fun also sent the code to the NSA, I figure if there is a game within the game the NSA will help you all and me decode it, it seems like the right thing to do as sometimes it isn’t about the money. ….I’m trying to help people out of the normal boring approach to the game may be it is the kabala or communications from the future or outspace , I put the grid on the keo sattelite due to return in 50,000 years and challenged them to try and send us messages through this game now that would be cool.
You are anything but boring. Please write again when the KEO satellite returns. [Note to readers: you have until December 31, 2009 to send in any four-page message that you would like to include on the KEO satellite].
FROM STEWART N: What do you think about the number 19?
I like it. An odd mix of the smallest number and the largest – together in one package. It speaks to the extremes of the Universe and yet shows how they can be inexorably tied.
It is also unique in that both numbers are formed by a single constant line (using standard type). One line straight; the other curving before coming down to the base line – not so distant cousins – and neither one having a family relation with any other number. The “4” has mutliple stops and abrupt changes in directions with its multiple line formation and the “2”, “3”, “5”, and “7” have their sudden starts and stops.
Although a mere number, as humans, we can’t but help to tie it to other numbers by which we judge ourselves. As an age number it is greatly important; the first step from being a “teenager” to becoming a “young adult”. In fact, the shapes of the numbers suggest a relationship between youth and age – the straight erect youth next to the bent and wizened old-timer standing together – as if sharing the secrets of life (though “1” will certainly not listen).
I would have to put “19” up there as a major number; a number among numbers. Yes, I definitely like “19”.
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