The 2018 Oscar Swag Bags Are Now Called The ‘Everyone Wins’ Bags – Here’s What’s Inside

(Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)

Jena Greene Reporter
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The 2018 Oscars are on Sunday and the awards show will likely be filled with the usual moral preening and lengthy, self congratulatory speeches.

Everybody who’s anybody in the out of touch Hollywood contingent will be there – and those considered VIPs will receive Oscars swag bags, simply for gracing the Academy with their presence.

Exactly 26 attendees and Oscar nominees will receive the bags that are now rebranded as “Everybody Wins bags”, since the Academy sued Distinctive Assets – the company that hands out the swag bags – last year for using the Oscars name in their product.

This year, everybody wins some pretty extravagant giveaways. There are all-expenses-paid trips to Tanzania, Greece, and Hawaii, which include spa days, free champagne, cultural immersion tours, and lodging. There’s artisanal makeup, handcrafted wooden boxes filled with kind words and compliments, DNA testing kits, fine jewelry, underarm sweat treatments, personal training sessions, weight loss supplements, pepper spray in a fashionable vial, phobia relief sessions, and dental gum rejuvenation.

Also rumored to be handed out before the show is $40,000 worth of gluten free chocolate vodka, private jet trips to California, and private catered dinners for nearly 20 people.

We’ve gotten to a point in Hollywood where celebrities are now so self-unaware that they’re rewarding each other for skyrocketing further out of touch each year. They’ve spent the greater part of 2017-18 lecturing the rest of the country about how primitive, selfish, and heartless they are for voting a certain way, wanting to know who comes into our country, and not actively trying to strip private citizens of anything more dangerous than a baseball bat. Most celebrities want higher taxes, bigger government, and less privacy – except for themselves. As long as they can keep their private jets, private healthcare, body guards, and laser hair removal, they’re happy to throw the rest of the country to the wolves.

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