The following are questions Socrates would hypothetically ask James Comey, along with responses which Plato would reasonably anticipate Comey would give.
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Socrates: You have written a book, part of the thesis of which is that, unlike you, President Trump is highly unethical and untethered to the truth?
Comey: I would agree with that.
Socrates: When you say President Donald Trump is “untethered to the truth” by that you would mean that he simply says what is convenient, without giving the truth a lot of thought?
Comey: Yes, that’s fair.
Socrates: You would agree that a deeply conceived, deliberately planned and executed lie is far worse ethically than an impulsive, off-the-cuff falsehood?
Comey: Based upon my years of intense philosophical and theological studies, I would have to agree.
Socrates: So, if your book has deeply conceived, deliberate lies, that would make you lower in the ethical hierarchy than President Trump?
Comey: I disagree with your premise, but your reasoning is sound.
Socrates: You determined that you were more qualified ethically than your supervisor, Attorney General Loretta Lynch, to announce the charging decision on the Hillary Clinton email investigation?
Comey: Yes, I am clearly more ethical than Tarmac Loretta.
Socrates: You must admit that such a charging decision is not supposed to be within the FBI’s authority, and should be that of DOJ lawyers headed by Lynch?
Comey: Yes, that’s true.
Socrates: That’s why you called what you did “unprecedented?”
Comey: Yes, I was single-handedly fighting a 500-year-flood.
Socrates: You have told the public at the press conference, and repeatedly following it, that Attorney General Lynch and her office did not know what you were going to say?
Comey: Yes, I have proudly said that. That’s my higher truth, and I’m sticking to it.
Socrates: Well, it can’t be completely true, because at the least she had to know you were declining prosecution, whether you told her directly or by a wink and a nod, right?
Comey: No, that would contradict all the pompous, self-serving statements I’ve made since July 5, 2016.
Socrates: But wouldn’t it make sense that the Attorney General, her prosecutors, and you all agreed that it would look better politically for Clinton for you to announce an exoneration?
Comey: I can see why you would think that, since it is incredible to believe that the entire DOJ, not just Lynch, would give up their authority and let me make this decision without knowing what it would be. But that is what I’m telling you to believe.
Socrates: But you agree that you were using the sterling non-political reputation of the FBI to make the exoneration politically palatable?
Comey: Sounds like you’ve been talking to Rosenstein.
Socrates: But is it true?
Comey: If it’s true that would make me faithless to my oath and to the organization I claim to care about, and as well make me dishonest. So I must claim that Rosenstein is unethical for criticizing me.
Socrates: Isn’t it obvious that you were coordinating politically with Obama and Clinton, while claiming to be an apolitical G-man?
Comey: Oh, Lordy, I would never coordinate with the Obama administration to help Hillary Clinton politically, Mrs. Cleaver, I mean, Socrates.
Socrates: Your interview with Hillary Clinton was on a Saturday morning, and the next day she flew with President Obama for a long-scheduled campaign trip. Are you sure that President Obama did not know in advance whether he was traveling with a soon-to-be felon?
Comey: You don’t believe me? I am taller than Trump and have honest hair.
Socrates: Let me get this straight. You began drafting an exoneration statement for Hillary Clinton months before you interviewed her; President Obama traveled with her before your announcement; Hillary Clinton expressed on several occasions confidence that she would not be indicted; and the Attorney General and her Department of Justice prosecutors knew you were holding a press conference on your charging decision. In spite of all of this, you are telling me, Socrates, that you made your charging decision without advance coordination with Clinton, President Obama or his political appointees at the Department of Justice?
Comey: You are beginning to annoy me, Socrates.
Socrates: You can’t expect anyone remotely tethered to the truth to believe this mythology, can you?
Comey: Sorry, Socrates, but my large soul cannot fit in the gutter with you.
Socrates: Well, okay, weren’t you acting in a partisan fashion when you met with President-elect Trump on January 6, 2017, telling him about the “dossier” allegations?
Comey: No, I was acting as a noble investigator telling him just the facts, ma’am.
Socrates: But you concealed from the president-elect, soon to be your boss, material facts such as the Clinton origins of the dossier’s allegations?
Comey: Well, I didn’t think those tiny little facts were important.
Socrates: So you left your new boss with the false impression that you may think these “salacious and unverified” allegations were credible, and that you would be investigating them?
Comey: Gosh, I never thought of that when I omitted these facts. Come to think of it, though, concealing their falsity would have made him beholden to me.
Socrates: You were using, and planning to use in the future, these unverified Steele Dossier allegations to pursue a “Russian collusion” investigation that would cripple Trump?
Comey: Well, of course, I felt duty-bound to do that. I answer to a higher loyalty, especially if it could delegitimize a sitting president I detest. My wife thought it was cool.
Socrates: Is it true your wife and family supported Hillary Clinton and they were devastated by her electoral loss?
Comey: Yes, as were all humans with elevated souls.
Socrates: You yourself had switched your registration to Democrat?
Comey: Yes.
Socrates: Your top assistants Andrew McCabe, Peter Strzok and Lisa Page before the election were discussing invalidating a Trump victory as part of an “insurance policy,” true?
Comey: Gosh, even though I dealt with them frequently, I never knew they were doing that.
Socrates: Is it just coincidence that you carried out after the election the “insurance policy” investigation they had planned before?
Comey: Yes. Otherwise, I would be a slime ball, and Jim Comey is no slime ball. Read my book.
Socrates: After the election, you refused to publicly exonerate President Trump from any Russian electoral interference, for which he was innocent, while publicly exonerating Hillary Clinton, who was guilty?
Comey: That’s true, only if “extreme carelessness” is the same as “gross negligence.”
Socrates: How do you respond to those who say you damaged the FBI’s reputation for political independence; lied by denying political coordination with Obama-Clinton; went into the gutter with personal shots at the president; breached Executive Privilege and possibly revealed classified information; and falsely used an unverified dossier to delegitimize your boss, the president?
Comey: All of this was justified because he’s immoral. His hair is dishonest, and so is his tie. And I’m way taller.
Socrates: Would you agree that you are thereby putting yourself above all rules, morality and ethical norms of loyalty that apply to others?
Comey: What don’t you understand about “higher loyalty?”
John D. O’Connor is the San Francisco attorney who represented W. Mark Felt during his revelation as Deep Throat in 2005. O’Connor is the co-author of “A G-Man’s Life: The FBI, Being ‘Deep Throat,’ and the Struggle for Honor in Washington” and is a producer of “Mark Felt: The Man Who Brought Down the White House” (2017), written and directed by Peter Landesman.
The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of The Daily Caller.
