Tucker Issues Surprise Apology To Joe Biden About Eskimo Kisses

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Phillip Stucky Contributor
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Fox News host Tucker Carlson issued a surprise apology to former Vice President Joe Biden on Wednesday for having made an inadequate distinction between sexual assault and Biden’s frequent touching and “Eskimo kisses.”

“We want to begin tonight’s show with an apology,” Carlson began. “Apologies are not something you often hear on cable news, on this or any other show. But we are offering one anyway. There is no lawsuit forcing us to do it and no court order making us, or skittish advertisers. We’re sincere in this, we mean it. It has to do with Joe Biden.” Carlson then described the multiple statements women have made alleging that Biden made them feel physically uncomfortable.

“There is something sad—pathetic, really—about watching a 76-year-old man apologizing for not understanding ‘selfie culture.’ You hope your own golden years would be more dignified than that. But the politicians have no choice, they drove him to it. And so did we. That is the point of the apology,” Carlson said.

“When the story first broke—passing out Eskimo kisses and sniffing other people’s hair—it was irresistible and you could not not laugh at it. And we did. We mocked Joe Biden as an impulsive hugger; a cuddler run amok. And it was too amusing. What we should have said every bit as loudly, and we apologize for not saying, is that hugging is not sexual assault.”

“Eskimo kisses are not rape,” Carlson continued. “That used to be obvious, but it’s not obvious anymore. And so we are sorry for blurring the distinction between human affection and, of course, immoral behavior. The last thing this country needs is more people that think they are assaulted because a senior citizen hugs them wrong. So we apologize for adding to that nonsense; that anti-human hysteria.”

At least two individuals have accused Biden inappropriate touching and other unwanted actions, something the potential presidential candidate vehemently denies. (RELATED: Joe Biden Responds To #MeToo Allegations)

“In my many years on the campaign trail and in public life, I have offered countless handshakes, hugs, expressions of affection, support and comfort. And not once — never — did I believe I acted inappropriately. If it is suggested I did so, I will listen respectfully. But it was never my intention,” Biden said in a Sunday statement, according to the Associated Press.

Former Nevada Assemblywoman Lucy Flores asserted that she raised the accusations now because of the fact that Biden was likely considering a 2020 presidential run.

White House counselor Kellyanne Conway criticized the former vice president last week, wanting to know why Biden didn’t mention Flores in his initial statement.

“Joe Biden this week was apologizing to Anita Hill for his role in the Clarence Thomas hearings,” Conway said Sunday. “Why didn’t he apologize to Lucy? Why didn’t he apologize to this woman?”