Dairy Giant Vows To Cut Cow Farts By 30% Using Questionable Methods


Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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French dairy giant Danone promised to cut methane emissions by 30% before 2030, according to a statement made Tuesday.

Danone plans to cut its methane output by using cow breeds that emit less methane, by improving their cattle’s overall diets, and capturing emissions from manure, according to France24. The plan doesn’t just apply to the cows themselves, but to all of their products.

The company claimed its already cut emissions by “about 14 percent” between 2018 and 2020, according to France24. Scientists and politicians still argue that most methane comes from cow burps and farts, according to NASA, so one can assume this is where Danone are getting these ideas from.

Danone also stated it intends to prolong the milking periods of their cattle, which animal rights activists probably won’t love as cows only produce milk to feed their offspring. It’s unclear how Danone will be prolonging the milking period, but I can’t see how it’s possible unless they do something even more unnatural to pregnant cows or cows who’ve recently given birth. (RELATED: Ugly Hippies Won’t Glue Themselves To Paintings Anymore, According To Annoying Environmental Group)

Of course, the most important thing is the climate (even though there’s nothing we can do to control it), and increasing the milk yield of cows would allow farmers to reduce their herd size. Who cares about the weird, unnatural stuff we have to do to get the results we want from our cows? This is the 2020s, there are no rules and everything is upside down. Woo! Not.