Met Gala Proves Celebrities Are Becoming Pointless And Stupid … Except For Jack Harlow

(Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images)

Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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The Met Gala 2023 took place Monday, which is the weirdest day of the week to throw a party, according to everyone but Vogue’s Anna Wintour.

The theme for this year’s show was “Karl Lagerfeld: A Line Of Beauty,” and while there were some pretty weird moments, it seemed like one of the most boring years in the show’s history. One would hope that — in having a controversial figure as the theme — things would get interesting, but it was actually just a perfect representation of how quickly a celebrity’s light fades.

Doja Cat: A Line Of WTF

Apparently this outfit is some reference to Lagerfeld’s cat. My only question is: who told her this is a good idea, and when is this person going to be fired? The whole purpose of the Met Gala is to get people to look at you, and this outfit does the opposite. It’s so creepy, and did not pass the assignment.

Jared Leto: A Line Of Genius …?

In harsh juxtaposition to Doja Cat’s horror, Leto showed up in full cat costume, also inspired by Lagerfeld’s beloved pet. Considering how weird and creepy Leto is in real life, this costume is actually really endearing and fun. It also flies in the face of what the Met Gala is meant to be, and I just love that.

Bad Bunny: A Line Of Yawn

I’m going to give Bad Bunny as much attention as he gave his outfit this year. None. Boring.

Lil Nas X: A Line Of Disgusting

Lil Nas X, who seems to only exist to give everyone the ick, showed up on Monday wearing silver body paint, a silver thong, and what appears to be Claire’s Accessories stick-on diamonds. I apologize for having to embed this picture, but if I have to see it, so do you.

Jack Harlow: A Line Of (Alleged) BRILLIANCE!

Harlow avoiding the press by claiming to be on shrooms is possibly the most millennial thing I have ever heard in my entire life! This rumor is according to NME, but I am praying that it is true. As a fellow millennial, I completely get why you’d want to do hallucinogens to go to something like the Met Gala.

And it reminds me of that time the guys from South Park went to the Oscars on LSD, which was also amazing. (RELATED: Nothing Says End Stage Dystopian Nightmare Like The Masked Servant Class Stooping Over To Adjust Hillary Clinton’s Gown On The Red Carpet)

I also don’t know how anyone can stomach such a disgusting display of obnoxious nouveau riche while sober, especially those of us who know what real America is like. It’s pretty hard to give a crap about celebrity clothes when a packet of chips is $6 right now.

My hope is that the more the mainstream corporate media reveals itself to be a puppet for intellectual, economic, and governmental oligarchs, the less people will care about anything they say. If this year’s show is anything to go by, it certainly feels like we’re finally seeing the light … and not from any of those Hollywood stars.