It’s time for the first GOP primary debate of the 2024 election season, and you wouldn’t dream of watching such a tawdry affair stone-cold sober, would you?
Of course not, but don’t worry. The Daily Caller has your back. Below, you’ll find the rules for a drinking game guaranteed to turn any viewing venue into a post-debate “spin room.”
Some might argue that, with former President Donald Trump eschewing the evening’s verbal fisticuffs, there’s no point in watching at all. Those people are missing the point. It’s like watching the reunion episode of “The Bachelor”: you already know who got the rose, but it’s still fun to watch the runners-up talk shit. And it’s especially fun if you can scream at the TV while hoisting a few cold ones. (RELATED: Here’s Where The Candidates Will Be Standing At Wednesday’s Debate)
And so, with that in mind, gather your most opinionated friends, grab a case or two of any beer not owned by Anheuser-Busch and prepare your liver!
The stage is set for the first Republican Presidential Debate! Tune in tomorrow at 9:00pm EST. pic.twitter.com/1I6HZcea6g
— GOP (@GOP) August 22, 2023
Drink once if any candidate…
- Attacks Trump
- Defends Trump
- Bitches about not getting to talk enough
- Says “I’m the only candidate in the race who…”
- Attacks the media
- Swears
- Talks about his or her upbringing
- Tells another candidate to drop out
- Calls for drone striking the cartels
- Mentions inflation or “Bidenomics”
- Mentions a “war on American energy”
- Uses the word “woke”
- Calls for more aid to Ukraine
- Talks over another candidate
- Mentions Niger
Drink twice if Ron DeSantis…
- Uses the phrase “where woke goes to die”
- Uses the phrase “fake Vivek”
- Bobs his head awkwardly
- Mentions Disney
- Gets attacked for having “pudding fingers”
- Gets attacked for his campaign’s Nazi meme video
Drink twice if Vivek Ramaswamy…
- Plays footsie with a conspiracy theory
- Denies or flip-flops on a previous statement
- Makes a vague reference to God or the crisis of meaning
- Gets made fun of for rapping
Drink twice if Nikki Haley…
- Mentions that she’s a minority and/or a woman
- Shills for the military-industrial complex
- Both attacks Trump and brags about working for him
Drink twice if Tim Scott…
- Mentions Christianity or Jesus
- Mentions the American Dream
Drink twice if Mike Pence…
- Attacks another candidate for being insufficiently pro-life
- Brags about his conduct on Jan. 6
- Falls into his signature metronymic cadence
Drink twice if Chris Christie…
- Makes a self-deprecating joke
- Describes himself as tough
- Calls another candidate a Trump shill
- Mentions Marco Rubio
Drink twice if Doug Burgum…
- Avoids weighing in on a culture war issue
- Shows up on crutches
Drink twice if Asa Hutchinson…
- Gets slammed for his stance on transing kids
- Gets to speak at all
Finish your beer if…
- Any candidate trips or falls
- Any candidate mispronounces Niger (it’s “knee-zher”)
- Christie gets attacked for his weight
- Anyone brings up Tim Scott’s three decades of virginity
- An audience member heckles a candidate
- Candidates come out in the wrong order
- There’s an embarrassing hot mic moment