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INWARD: Do They Really Expect Us To Believe Stephen Hawking Was Getting It On In Orgies?

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INWARD: Do They Really Expect Us To Believe Stephen Hawking Was Getting It On In Orgies?

(JIM WATSON/AFP via Getty Images)

Cyrus Inward Gaming and Online Culture Columnist
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The elites always try to distract us when a major story about their global pedophilic cabal is about to break. They’ll manufacture a migrant caravan, or assassinate a prime minister, or like this week, sacrifice a President Gay to try and draw our attention away from their sins with bread and circuses.

But there was no way they could distract us from the bombshell release of the Epstein documents that began Wednesday. This is the granddaddy of them all, the big kahuna, the oyster’s pearl for online conspiracy theorists who have increasingly been proven right in recent years. They knew a vicious racial attack on a plagiarizing university president wasn’t enough, so they tried a different strategy: distracting us with the documents themselves. (RELATED: First Set Of Court Documents Listing Jeffrey Epstein Associates Unsealed)

First the release of the documents was delayed by a day longer than observers were anticipating. Then it was revealed that they’d be trickled out over the course of weeks, likely denting their impact. They included major names like Michael Jackson in the release. But when all else failed, what was the break-glass-in-case-of-emergency strategy to make the masses take their eye off the ball?

Telling us Stephen Hawking is participating in orgies with children.

That’s all this could possibly be. Buried in the Wednesday Epstein documents is an exchange indicating that Stephen Hawking, the paraplegic scientist and star of iRobot, was accused of participating in an orgy with underage girls on Epstein’s island.

Let’s take a moment to stop and think about how this would even work. Stephen Hawking had three children with his first wife before he left her for a nurse, but those were relatively early in the days of his illness. It’s conceivable that he could have still been fully functional at that stage of his life.

But later on? In the 90’s, 2000’s and on? Mr. Roboto was getting it on group-style with Epstein’s child sex army? It’s simply not plausible. You can’t talk dirty with a speak-and-spell.

Come. Here. Baby. Let. Me. Show. A. Good. Time.

I’m exhausted just typing that out.

Unless there’s a new sex position called the seated scarecrow this gamer doesn’t yet know about, it just doesn’t add up. Then again — maybe he just liked to watch. He did once tell his wife she could be with another man as long as she “still loved him,” after all…

The distraction seems to have worked though. The internet is ablaze with Stephen Hawking memes. At least they’re funny though.