Seine It Ain’t So: France May Pooh-Pooh Iconic Event For Disgusting Reason

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Robert McGreevy Contributor
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Officials could postpone plans to hold the upcoming Paris 2024 Olympic Games’ triathlon event in Paris’ River Seine after a charity discovered concerning levels of fecal matter in the river, NBC News reported.

After reportedly committing $1.5 billion to clean-up efforts to restore the notoriously polluted river, France may still not be able to accomplish its goal of having athletes swim in the River Seine after the Surfrider Foundation found high concentrations of E. coli and enterococci bacteria, which they say are “formidable indicators of pollution of fecal origin.”

In other words, the river is full of shit.

With less than 100 days to go until the Games’ kickoff, it’s possible the triathlon is converted into a duathlon, or postponed altogether, the International Olympic Committee told NBC.

“We are working hard on it. You know it’s one of the bigger challenges,” Paris 2024 President Tony Estanguet told reporters, according to NBC. “When we decided to have this competition in the Seine we knew it will be a big challenge. But with the authorities there is a big program of investment and, when we talk about legacy, this project is fantastic.”

The August 2023 World Triathlon Olympic Games Test Event was initially cancelled due to “excessive pollution” in the Seine, but was rescheduled and held just weeks later.

Swimming in the Seine has been illegal for ordinary citizens over 100 years thanks to heavy pollution, NBC reported. Paris’ sewer systems reportedly dump human waste into the key waterway whenever there’s heavy rain. But France aims to clean the river and have people swimming in it by 2025, according to the outlet. (RELATED: Conservative Billionaire Bankrolling New ‘Olympics On Steroids’ Where Athletes Can Dope ‘Out In The Open’)

But with less than 100 days to go, Surfrider has deemed the water unsafe for athlete participation. “It is therefore clear that the athletes who will be taking part in the Olympic and Paralympic events planned for the Seine will be swimming in polluted water and taking significant risks to their health,” the charity claimed.

Paris refuted this claim. “We are surprised” by the study’s timeframe, Paris’ municipal government said in a statement obtained by NBC. “The Seine is not intended to accommodate swimmers from mid-September to June” the city reportedly added, citing “safety reasons.”

Hey Paris, you do you boo-boo. But the argument of “hey our river is only filled with human excrement for eight and a half months a year!” is not the ringing endorsement you think it is.

I would be shocked if the athletes end up swimming in the Seine. And if they do someone should test them and their future children for mutations.