Opinion

We Never Thought An American Civil War Would Be Amusing. Until Now

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Gage Klipper Commentary & Analysis Writer
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With all of Corporate America decked out in rainbows, you know it’s pride month — and that means legions of pervert parades across the country. But there’s a new freak show in town vying for your attention and sympathy.

What do you get when an unstoppable gay force meets an unmovable Jew-hating object?

Forget Clash of Clans, it was Clash of the Cults in Philadelphia on Sunday, as anti-Israel protesters attempted to shut down the local pride parade. “No pride in genocide,” chanted the masked Hamasniks as the obese rainbow drumline pounded away at their war march.

The gays thought they were safe. Who could possibly out-victim the dudes who can’t force religious people to bake cakes for them? C’est terrible! But here come the Keffiyeh Karens to declare themselves the new victim in town. Just look at all the staged photos and dramatized carnage over in Gaza. They might not get the terror-state they yearn for, but at least give them an Oscar.

Do we have the Vegas odds on this fight yet? Sure, the gays might have canon-sized electric sex toys, a cavalry of horse-fetishists, and a whole lot of rope. But I think I saw someone in the Palestinian crew with a backpack.