Pirates’ First Baseman Beats Meat During Game

Gregg Re Editor
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Police investigated after these two racing Italian sausages (really local college girls) suffered a brutal beating at the hands of Randall Simon in the middle of the seventh inning. They recovered with only minor injuries, and Simon paid up almost $500 in disorderly conduct fees as a result of the “Sausagegate” incident. Now the only thing that’s on life support is Simon’s career: He currently plays for the Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks.

Gregg Re