Political ‘heavyweights,’ governing lightweights

Rob Lockwood Contributor
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Well it is a slow news week here in D.C., if Tony Perkis was the mayor, he would definitely “cancel lunch due to lack of hustle.” While we have some extra time, some of us at the College Republican National Committee figured we could analyze the current dismal political atmosphere in D.C. with a little help from some notable quotables from one of our favorite childhood movies: Heavyweights.

At first glance, the slogan of the movie seems applicable to congress. The movie slogan reads:

They don’t run the fastest. They don’t jump the highest. Heavyweights. They never met a hot dog they didn’t like…until now.

Modifying the language a tad, one could fairly assess:

They don’t work the hardest. They aren’t the smartest. Congressional Democrats. They never met a spending bill they didn’t like…until the American people turned on their reckless spending habits.

Just like Heavyweights at the box office, this congress has been a flop, but a flop that has been rife with memorable quotes.

If given the opportunity, we would love to ask President Obama if he has ever met “Seymour Jobs.” We think it’s a fair question, because no President since FDR has “seen more jobs” disappear under his watch than Obama. Did you know that every child born in this country owes roughly $118,000 to the debt alone? Good luck paying that back!

Just like the fat camp attendees in Heavyweights, members of Government have a knack for sneaking things in where they don’t belong. Whereas Gerald Garner and company simply snuck a few harmless Oreos into their bunks, Democrats snuck the entire student loan process into their government-centric health care takeover.

Or there was that time when Rep. Clyburn tried to sneak a pro-union labor measure into a bill that was designed to provide wartime funding for Afghanistan.

And when Sen. Kerry (MA) and Rep. Markey (MA) led a coalition that earmarked nearly $68 million, in the middle of the greatest recession in generations, to build a ‘shrine’ to honor the legacy of Ted Kennedy – especially when much of that money came from a Department of Defense budget!

I know, these are only three examples of the clandestine methods utilized by Democrats, but we have a word limit for this article, and we’re not trying to write a novel about it. Unless of course someone offers us a book deal to do so!

Finally, Barack Obama…what kind of name is that? Where are you from? Far Away? Hawaii? Kenya? Just kidding. Seriously, just kidding. No honestly, that was a joke. More of a joke than the ridiculous ‘birther’ movement itself. Can’t we all- Republicans, Democrats, Independents, and political indifferents- just have a unified laugh at the birthers’ expense?

The bottom line is this: congressional spending is as corpulent as it has ever been. Just like an average heavyweight, Democrats constantly talk about a (spending) diet, but don’t change their habits to achieve their goal. This November, the GOP has a prime opportunity to retake the House, and curb the unhealthy spending binge that the Democrats are on. With Republican victory in the midterm election, conservatives can perkisize our country back into shape, and get America back on the track to prosperity.

For anyone who has been confused while reading this article, we apologize. Well not really, if you’ve seen Heavyweights, the quotes and their relevance in the political arena will make sense, hopefully. If not, you can find a list of where we derived the quotes and anecdotes from here.

Rob Lockwood is the Director of Communications for the College Republican National Committee. He is a graduate of The George Washington University. He can be reached at rlockwood@crnc.org.