Dear Christine O’Donnell (Part Deux)

John Schlimm Contributor
Font Size:

Dear Christine O’Donnell (Part Deux),

CONGRATULATIONS!  Whether or not you make it to the U.S. Senate, you have already won the election by a landslide.  Yes, it’s true.  Oh, let’s count the latest ways…

For starters, as of this past weekend, you have officially been immortalized as a pop culture fixture (don’t want to use the word “icon” just yet) as the butt of the joke lead skit on Saturday Night Live.  That is the BIG time, my friend.  Granted, the script was C+ at best and relied heavily on clichés and old news — I mean, your masturbation and witch declarations that the skit was based on are like so five minutes ago. Being the progressive you are, you’ve already moved on…

Which brings me to … I was in fits of GLEE when your “unofficial” blackmailer press secretary Bill Maher released another brilliant media package on your behalf.  Declaring “evolution is a myth” (I can already see the bumper sticker with your campaign logo on it!), you managed to once again show your prophetic knack for hitting timeless, hot-button issues smack dab on the head years ago.  Of course, not only have you offended sex-fiends and witches across the country, but now monkeys and other primates aren’t all that thrilled with you either. Lucky the latter don’t have the right to vote.

AND, in the short time we’ve known you, Chrissy, you’ve managed to garner quite a fan club filled with some of the most dedicated Tea Partiers defenders in the country.  Case in point:  As you know, I wrote an impassioned letter to you last week via DailyCaller.com, even offering my plan for how you can parlay your groundbreaking Senate campaign into a 2012 presidential bid.  Sure I poked a little fun, but, hey, that’s what I do (It’s all LOVE), and if we can’t laugh at ourselves… Therefore, I was surprised when one of your fans, who hides behind the anonymous username “rfpzzzzz,” criticized the letter, telling me in no uncertain terms, “You write like a little girl…” and “…you provide schoolgirl giggles…”

Of course, my first response was LOL!  It’s a beautiful thing when you hit a raw nerve like this and someone starts letting their true personality loose.  That can be the insulting, hot-headed, close-minded, FUN part of debate.  But then I realized what this person said on your behalf is really no laughing matter, Chrissy!  It’s actually quite serious.

As an educator, what offends me to the core is not that “rfpzzzzz” compared me to a “little girl” (I’ve been called a lot worse); rather, I was shocked by the blatant sexist and ageist overtones in his/her vitriol.  Criticize me; be man or woman enough to use your real name, and not some mysterious username that looks like a snoring onomatopoeia, to lob insults.  BUT DON’T USE “little girls” AS YOUR PUNCHING BAG to get to me.  That’s just cheap, cowardly, and cruel to women everywhere.

As a strong and determined woman, Chrissy, who was once a “little girl” yourself, you might want to ask this attack dog supporter of yours exactly what his/her problem is with females.  Your defender put an unfortunate bulls-eye directly on young women everywhere with those insensitive remarks.

With news of another high-profile teen girl-on-girl fist fight currently in the news, young girls’ self-confidence constantly in flux, and a disturbing lack of strong role models for young girls today, there is no place for this kind of bullying.

(Cue Madonna’s “What It Feels Like for a Girl”)

After all, with friends supporters like that, you don’t need enemies.  It certainly can’t be good for your cause to have people defending you with this sort of hatemongering rhetoric.  Of course, I certainly don’t blame you.  Lord knows, you have enough to worry about just concerning your own statements.

Trust me, Chrissy, while coasting on your newfound pop culture stardom, you want to nip this kind of fan-fueled name-calling in the bud on your end.  While I forgive this “rfpzzzzz” character (because that’s the kind of guy I am) and welcome further debate (minus the prejudiced language, please), I can’t say the same for the “little girls” of the world.  You’ll recall what they did to poor Kim Kardashian after she simply tweeted her affections for Justin Beiber!  It wasn’t pretty.  While, sure, they can’t yet vote, they are clearly one demographic you want to keep on your good side.

Peace and love!


P.S.  I whole-heartedly agree with what another commenter said in response to my last letter to you:  “I’m sure Dancing with the Stars is holding a spot for her.”  We can only hope!  xoxo.

John Schlimm is a member of one of the oldest brewing families in the United States, meaning he see life through sudsy, gold-colored glasses. A former celebrity publicist, educator, and artist, John is the award-winning author of several books, including his latest, Harrah’s Entertainment Presents…The Seven Stars Cookbook as well as The Ultimate Beer Lover’s Cookbook (named “Best Beer Book in the U.S.” and “Best Beer Book in the World” by the international Gourmand Awards).