Obama, the anti-war president who harped on America’s trigger-happy ways while he was campaigning, has suddenly become Rambo. There must be something about proximity to the Pentagon, inspecting honor guards and flying on Marine One that changes presidents. They seem so reasonable and measured when they are running for office.
In a rare speech about this new war, he promised we will only be in Libya a short time and will pull out quickly. Pregnant women the world over have heard that before.
Our supposedly pacifistic president rushed home from Brazil to take control just in case we win, laurels are heaped on Hillary Clinton, and this venture is dubbed “Hillary’s War.” Seeing Obama go from community organizer-in-chief to sheriff of the world does not feel right. It seems to me, and to the world, more comical — more like “Blazing Saddles.”
From what I can tell, the Obama Doctrine clearly states that he is in favor of being in favor of something once he knows we have won, and not in favor if it turns out to be a long slog. But that could change — unless, of course, he is not claiming an undefined moral high ground and instead is blaming others.
Why we spend trillions attacking countries barely developed beyond the Old Testament, I will never know. I propose a new War Powers Act. Call it the “Hart Doctrine” — we never try to blow up a country that does not have potable water.
I have long been against the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, so you can imagine how I feel about us spending billions to butt our noses into Libya and to Tomahawk-missile a few tents in order to replace a devil we know with one we do not. In the current “ready, fire, aim” policy of D.C., we really need to pause and think about who might replace the thugocracies we so readily want to attack.
All of this makes one long for the old days, when we could knock someone off just by sending him hunting with Dick Cheney.
We need to just let democracy take hold in these countries without getting too involved, unless they attack us. Gaddafi, Mubarak, et. al. were in power for decades. What we have learned is that there is a point in every maniacal despot’s rule when he just starts phoning it in. I think it is when he gets at least $10 billion hidden away somewhere.
Sadly, we cannot find all this hidden money. The Associated Press reported that Gaddafi pays his mercenaries with cash that he has stashed around his country. Our missiles are only heat-seeking; they can only find tanks, not stockpiles of cash. To find the 80-year-old Gaddafi’s stash, the Army needs to enlist the services of forty-year-old Beverly Hills divorcees.
It is funny to see a Democratic president’s military guys appear on TV and try to justify this war. It is like a Republican president’s gay rights czar going on air to explain the Defense of Marriage Act; it is a comedic gold mine. Even when our bombs go astray and blow up a wedding in Afghanistan, the military guys always seem to have a justification: “Well, based on intelligence we are getting from tribal leaders and TMZ in that province, the couple really did not belong together anyway. Therefore the killings were justified. Next question…”
The good news is that despotic leaders around the world are being driven into exile. They will find work; I bet the “Ruthless Dictator” section of the help-wanted ads on Craigslist is very busy. But you have to wonder about the wherewithal of Gaddafi, who, even with all the powers of his presidency and those cool military outfits he bought from the Michael Jackson estate, cannot escape a God-awful country like Libya.
No one in Libya deserves to be killed, except maybe Gaddafi’s plastic surgeon. We should have just blown up Gaddafi’s strategic reserve of Jheri Curl, dealing death blows to both his morale and his hair.
First, we cannot attack every country where people have been wronged. Second, we are broke. Third, they hate us when we do it. And fourth, we are broke.
Let’s fold our tents, not blow up theirs, and mind our own business. Reagan did not fire a shot when he oversaw the collapse of the Soviet Union.
Ron Hart is a libertarian op-ed humorist and author who can be reached at. Ron@RonaldHart.com.
