The Daily Caller’s guide to getting drunk on election night

Taylor Bigler Entertainment Editor
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If you don’t have a Craiglist lover to share election night with by now, we hope you at least have a group of buddies willing to drink large quantities of alcohol with you as you anxiously await who will be declared our great nation’s next president. Stock up at the liquor store — it’s supposed to be a long night.

The only real way to get drunk is to crack open a beer or pour yourself a gin and tonic and start drinking. Since that is super boring, The Daily Caller created a drinking game to play as you watch the returns roll in starting around 8 p.m. For maximum alcohol consumption and hilarity, you will need to switch the channels between Fox News, MSNBC, CNN ever so frequently.

(Note: This game is not for the faint of heart — nor the liver. Please consult a physician before engaging in any drinking activity TheDC condones. Also, you should be 21 and plan on taking cabs if you are participating and all that responsible stuff.)

The Daily Caller’s Guide to Getting Drunk on Election Night:

  • Take a sip every time a pundit says “It’s too close to call at this point.”
  • Take a long sip directly proportionate to how long and rambling Al Sharpton’s rant goes on.
  • Finish your drink immediately if Chris Matthews says “tingle.”
  • Finish half your drink every time John King demonstrates a newfangled CNN technology and screws it up. (This rule was stolen from GQ, but was too good to leave out.)
  • Drink for 10 seconds if a pundit or reporter says “This is the only poll that matters.”
  • Take a (tiny) sip every time you hear the word “Ohio,” since that will happen a lot.
  • Drink for four seconds if you hear something obvious, such as “It’s all about turnout.”
  • Have some Manhattans prepared, because there will be a lot of talk about Superstorm Sandy and voter turnout. This one is a double whammy, since you are required to take a sip of your cocktail each time the storm is mentioned, as well as obey the rule above.
  • If Romney wins one of the swing states, take a red-colored shot.
  • If Obama takes one of the swing states, take a blue-hued shot.
  • Assuming you haven’t passed out and your candidate is declared the winner tonight, pop some Champagne and go wild.

Keep your browser set to TheDC starting at 8 p.m. EST to watch us live-blog the results as they come in! See you then. And Godspeed.

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