DC Trawler

The former president of France once got attacked by a panda

Longtime readers know of my completely rational, fact-based hatred of pandas. All they do is eat bamboo and lay around and expect things to be done for them. We’re supposed to teach these two-tone wastes of space how to have sex, so they don’t die out as a species. We’re supposed to weep tears of joy every time a couple of these clumsy dummies figure out how to make a baby. Bunk, I tell you. Pure bunk.

But I guess they’re not all bad… BBC News:

Former French President Valery Giscard d’Estaing has revealed he was once jumped on by a panda when he dared himself to enter its cage.

He said he had been visiting Vincennes Zoo in Paris, where his daughter was on work experience, when he decided to test his “presidential courage”.

A panda leapt on him and staff had to free him from its claws, Mr Giscard d’Estaing, 87, told a conference…

“Although they are vegetarian bears, obviously at the end of the day pandas are still very powerful and muscular bears with teeth and claws to match,” Iain Valentine, director of giant pandas at the zoo, told the BBC News website.

Plus, he’s French. What would you do?

Okay, pandas. I’ll give you credit for this one. You can recognize an enemy and do what needs to be done when the time comes. I’m not going to lie and say I like you, but I can at least respect that.

Now go back to sleep. Oh, you already are. Of course. That’s all you do all day.

(Hat tip: Greg Pollowitz)

P.S. Pandas are “vegetarians”? I guess technically bamboo is a vegetable, despite its almost complete lack of nutritional value, but it’s the only veggie you can use to make a chair. And yet it’s the only thing pandas will eat. They suck.