What the hell’s the matter with Maryland?

Font Size:

There’s really no question by now that entirely too many school administrators across America are crazy, drooling morons. However, school administrators in Maryland — and some teachers, and a few students — possess a special, possibly bionic blend of stupidity and lunacy.

Let’s review the indisputable facts. Amazingly, all of these ridiculous incidents occurred in Maryland in the last several months alone.

Just last week, Ellicott City parent Robert Small was violently arrested and charged with two crimes for expressing his frustrations about the implementation of the Common Core at a public forum Thursday night in the suburbs of Baltimore. (RELATED: Now they’re arresting people who complain about the Common Core)

On Monday, the Baltimore County state’s attorney’s office took one look at the case against the father of two and promptly dropped all charges. However, the state’s attorney refused to condemn the brutal guard. (RELATED: Charges dropped against arrested dad)

In May, a Calvert County kindergarten boy was suspended from school for 10 days because he showed a friend his menacing, plastic, orange-tipped, cowboy-style cap gun on the way to school. Officials at Dowell Elementary School in the town of Lusby proceeded to question the five-year-old for before calling his mother two hours later. He peed his pants during the inquisition. (RELATED: Kindergartener interrogated over cap gun until he pees his pants)

Also in May, Stephanie Mikles, a behavioral specialist with the Harford County Schools who works mainly with special needs children, was indicted for allegedly having “sexual intercourse with a dog.” It was a Labrador retriever. (RELATED: Cops say they have photos of Maryland teacher doing it with family dog)

March was particularly loopy month all over Maryland.

In March, St. Mary’s County Public Schools banned hugging and homemade food in public elementary schools for anyone except a parent’s own children. Parents there must also register to enter the playground and can only push their own kids on the swings. School district officials called the draconian regulations necessary to provide a safe environment. (RELATED: Maryland school district outlaws hugging, homemade food, pushing kids on swings)

During the same month, in Rockville, a press office staffer for Vice President Joe Biden forced a credentialed reporter from the University of Maryland’s Philip Merrill College of Journalism to delete photos taken Tuesday at an event related to — wait for it — domestic violence. (RELATED: Biden staffer forces student reporter to delete photos)

Also in March, some students belonging to something called the White Student Union at Towson University north of Baltimore decided to conduct random nighttime patrols on campus. Members of the group said they wanted to protect the 20,000 or so students who attend the public school from serious crimes such as robbery and sexual assault. (RELATED: White Student Union will conduct nighttime campus patrols)

Still also in March, state senator J. B. Jennings actually crafted a bill to curb the zeal of public school officials who are tempted to suspend students as young as kindergarten for having things — or talking about things, or eating things — that represent guns, but aren’t actually anything like real guns. Sadly, the proposed ‘Toaster Pastry Gun Freedom Act’ of 2013 appears to have been tabled. (RELATED: ‘Toaster Pastry Gun Freedom Act’ proposed)

The bill was a response to a February incident involving a second-grader at Park Elementary School in Baltimore who was suspended for two days because his teacher thought he shaped a strawberry pop-tart into something resembling a gun. The kid explained that his goal had been to turn the pre-fabricated delicacy into a mountain, but that didn’t really materialize. (RELATED: Second-grader suspended for having breakfast pastry)

The Daily Caller also reported in February that Muslim students at a public magnet school in Prince George’s County are allowed to get out of class every day to pray. (RELATED: Maryland high school allows Muslim students to leave class every day to pray)

In December, a six-year-old boy at Roscoe R. Nix Elementary School in Silver Spring was suspended from school for making the universal kid sign for a gun, pointing at another student and saying “pow.” Robin Ficker, an attorney representing his family, maintained that boy was too young to comprehend the significance of his actions. “He doesn’t understand,” Ficker said. “The law says he is not old enough to form intent.” (RELATED: School suspends boy for making gun gesture)

Finally, though it happened in 2012, Alexander Kinyua, a U.S. citizen from Kenya, severely beat a student at Morgan State University with a baseball bat wrapped in chains and barbed wire. A few days later, while he was out on bail, Kinyua killed and cut up a 37-year-old man staying with his parents. He them ate part of the man’s brain and his heart. (RELATED: Civil suit over brain-eating cannibal attacker on campus)

Follow Eric on Twitter and send tips about how crazy Maryland is to

Tags : maryland
Eric Owens