Has BuzzFeed‘s Andrew Kaczynksi landed yet?

And we mean from the high of writing Jeff Smisek, the CEO of United Airlines, as he becomes yet another statistic in the number of pompous journalists who think tweeting at airlines or Amtrak should earn them anything beyond what it gets anyone else on the planet just because they’re part of the journalism industry.

Here’s the gist of the situation: Kaczynski flew to Cleveland but missed his originally scheduled outbound flight because admittedly he screwed up and forgot his travel date. Like most airlines, the standard procedure is that if you don’t call and let them know, the airline then dumps your whole flight. So when he went to fly back from Ohio he was SOL and had to pay $400 beyond what he originally paid, which was $894. Pssst…Kaczynski, f***k flying the friendly skies, you heard of Southwest? They’re cheap, easy and it’s virtually free to alter your ticket even at the last minute. You still can’t mess around with missed flights. If you miss an outbound you must let them know.

Nonetheless, let’s take a gander at Kaczynksi’s bold letter and those 17 editing suggestions. When he tweeted the letter for his 101k followers he wrote, “Excuse the typos.” Why? Can he not proof his own letter? (Pictured above: Kaczynski and his cat and United CEO Mr. Smisek.)

11. You see, I often fly your airline after a positive experience in which I brought my cat home last Christmas. (Edit: Not a typo per se, but it’s awkward. Try: Sir, I fly your airline often, as your crew graciously accommodated my bizarre need to bring my cat home last Christmas.)

10. This year however you screwed both me and my family over quite bad. (Edit: That would be badly not bad.)

9. Do to an error (of my own mistake) I missed my flight to CLE  on Monday. (Edit: Do should be due. Also, another awkward sentence. Try: Due to my own stupidity, I missed my flight to Cleveland Monday. We’re pretty sure the CEO knows the airline city abbreviations at this point, but why not take things up a notch to a more formal level of seriousness?)

8. I realize this is of my own mistake. (Awkward. Get to the point and perhaps be a little self reflective. Try: I am a complete idiot, but…)

7. 6. After I missed your Tuesday I quickly booked a flight home on another airline to make Christmas mass with my family that I night. (Strangely, the CEO of United Airlines doesn’t own “Tuesday.” I think you mean to say “your Tuesday flight.” And “I night?” No need for the “I.” Lose that. Try: After I was an idiot and missed your Tuesday flight, I quickly got my head out of my ass and booked a flight home on another more competent airline to make Christmas mass with my family.)

5. “After paying nearly $900 for a round-trip ticket home through your airline it seems I was punished by having to purchase another ticket. I don’t really understand why the return ticket was cancelled, but having to purchase another ticket on the flight seems like salt in the wound.” Salt in the wound? Punished? You flew to Cleveland and back. You were not in a war zone or grounded by your parents. (Try: Paying $900 for a round-trip ticket home is tough on me and my family. The policy of canceling a flight without a ticket holder’s knowledge needs to be changed. I hope you will consider doing so. And besides, if you don’t, you and your airline will have some crude GIFs in your future. Not a threat, a promise. Just like United, BuzzFeed is a far reaching around the world.)

4. 3. Your customer was not very helpful through their Twitter feed. (Edit: Your customer? I think you meant “Your customer service department.” And then I think you meant “its” not “their.” What’s more, not every customer service desk communicates by Twitter. Call the 800 number like the masses. Try: “Your customer service department wasn’t exactly helpful on Twitter, my only mode of communication. You might get on the ball with that.”)

2. Still, Kaczynksi persisted on Twitter and United told him to tweet his ticket number. He wrote the CEO: The reply said my ticket had no value. (Edit: United’s Twitter feed is presumably run by a human being. Try: The Twitter rep informed me my ticket had no value.)

1. Please let me know if you can resolve this in anyway. (Edit: Try any way instead of “anyway.”)

 

See the full letter below…