The Mirror

What’s With All These Dick Stories?

Betsy Rothstein Gossip blogger
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BuzzFeed really REALLY claims it’s not about click-bait.

“BuzzFeed News,” as they are now calling it, insists upon its own seriousness. In fact, they’re trying to differentiate “BuzzFeed” from “BuzzFeed News” as a portion of the site is trying to claim its name is the latter as to not confuse it with the listicles (a word they forbid their staff to use), cat videos, homosexuality quizzes and “21 Ways To Support Someone Who Had a Miscarriage.”

So what’s with the wave of X-rated sex and penis stories?

BuzzFeed News recently covered the ass-eating scene on HBO’s “Girls” in the context of a bunch of gay guys claiming the act is something they invented — not those despicable straight people who are now doing it. [RELATED: Gay People Liked Rump Roast First, BuzzFeed Says]

This week BuzzFeed News (who are we not to call them what they want to be called?) is back with another eye-popping story about the phenomenon of the broken penis. It’s a listicle. The headline: “9 Important Facts You Should Know About Breaking Your Penis.”

A male D.C. journalist remarked, “The breaking dick article was terrifying.”

Indeed, it was. BuzzFeed News included an expected picture of a man screaming, another yelling OH MY GOD. Meanwhile, a urologist explains that yes, you really can have a “penile fracture.”  The most dangerous sexual position, reports BuzzFeed News, is cowgirl. Doggie style and anal can also apparently put your manhood at risk.

An excerpt:

“Even though big, rigid boners generally = good, they can also be more fragile. Overextension to the point of fracture is more common with longer penises, and super-strong erections could actually be damaged more when bent, says Paduch [the urologist]. In fact, injuries are less common in older men since they generally aren’t getting 100% erect, he says.”

But BuzzFeed News isn’t the only lefty penis-obsessed site right now. Lefty Blue Nation Review is also serving as a penis brigade with a story of a scary new fashion trend in which male models expose themselves. In fact, they did so during Paris Fashion Week. The writer says designer Rick Owens “made a ballsy move” with the cloaks cut just so.

You really don’t want to see this, but if you can’t help yourself, visit here. (Just remember to keep children, bosses and your grandmother away from your screen.)

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Not to be left out in the penis journo craze is the left-wing Huffington Post.

Earlier this month, HuffPost ran a story about man who wrote an e-memoir. His claim to fame: He has two penises. The book is aptly titled Double Header: My Life With Two Penises. The author is bisexual and answers to — I am not making this up —  “DoubleDickDude” or DDD.

Just a few days ago, the site covered a snow penis that was demolished for being too offensive.

In previous years, HuffPost covered the man with the world’s largest penis, penis size as well as the “politics of the penis.”

To see what is happening on the other side of the political spectrum, I searched for penis stories on Breitbart News. The last one sprang up last October and involved a rapper who had chopped off his own ding dong. Just a day before that: A story on Ben Affleck claiming his junk looks better in 3-D.

The Weekly Standard‘s penis library was much more sparse. The last story directly involving one was in 2009 and the headline was: “Why Can’t a Girl Have a Penis?”

To be utterly fair, I looked up penis stories at The Daily Caller. (A quick note to Daily Caller editors: Please forgive me.) I must say, the mix of stories in this genre are more creative than any of the aforementioned publications.

The most recent example was 11 days ago and involves a Swedish kids cartoon showing penis and vagina to kids. Back in 2013, the pub covered Italian men wanting bigger penises.

All in all, 2013 and 2014 brought sporadic penis offerings like these: “Apple Sings Praise For Big, Black Penis,” and “Man Rips Off Part Of Penis After Eating Magic Mushrooms” and “Lovelorn Chinese Bachelor Cuts Off Penis, Bikes To Hospital.”

Back in 2012 there was even a politically related penis story:

“Jill Biden Accidentally Makes One Long Allusion To Joe Biden’s Penis.”