DC Trawler

Animals Are (Almost As) Dumb (As Some People)

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I am as passionate and unstinting as ever in my belief that animals are dumb. Give me the choice between an animal and a human being, and I’ll choose humanity every single time. We’re much better and more important than lions and tigers and bears, no lie.

But of course, there are always necessary exceptions to any rule, and the following boneheads are on their own. Alfred Ng, NYDN:

A popular trail in Colorado remains closed because people are too selfie-ish.

Waterton Canyon, a Denver park, was closed on Aug. 28 after more bears and their cubs began foraging the woods. After more than two weeks, the park still hasn’t re-opened, because too many people are trying to take selfies with the wild beasts…

Before it was closed, a bear chased a biker in the canyon.

Selfies with wild animals. Apparently the problem is widespread. It exists anywhere there are bears, cameraphones, and narcissists:

As Ng notes, people all over the country are being injured while taking selfies with various wildlife. As if a bear or a bison or a rattlesnake is going to stop trying to kill you long enough to say, “Cheese!”

When I criticize animals, I do so from an evolutionary standpoint. They must die so that we can survive. But if you’re dumb enough to stop and take a selfie while a bear is chasing you, then evolution is already at work. You deserve whatever happens to you, and the world isn’t going to miss out. You weren’t going to cure cancer anyway.

Of course, after the bear has eaten you, it should be killed. Not as justice or revenge or anything like that. No, my new house has a fireplace and I’m looking for a rug.

(Hat tip: Sarah Hoyt)