DC Trawler

Ted Cruz Likes Animals, But Not As Much As People

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I’ll vote for Ted Cruz before I’ll ever, ever vote for Donald Trump. Hell, I’ll write in Bozo the Clown before I’ll vote for Trump (although I’d be hard-pressed to tell you the difference). Cruz has never been what you’d call a people person, which is why I’m glad he’s taking the right side in the eternal battle of Man vs. Nature.

As you know, Faithful Reader, I hate animals and I want them all to die. It’s us or them, man. So it’s heartening that Cruz is siding with humans against the disgusting vermin we’ve been forced to tolerate for far too long. Lauren-Elizabeth McGrath, Ecorazzi:

Yesterday afternoon, during a speech for his last efforts to get Illinois under his belt, Cruz was interrupted by a single animal rights protestor who began shouting from her chair during his speech. She is [sic] later escorted out by the Secret Service…

It’s unclear exactly what the animal rights protestor at Cruz’s rally was protesting, other than protesting animal rights for the sake of it.

I don’t care why. I just know that Cruz gave her the correct answer. The only correct answer.

“I understand that you’re very, very concerned about animals. That’s wonderful. I think animals are wonderful. I also happen to care about human beings.”

Cruz is wrong about animals being wonderful, of course. Animals are dumb, and their only purpose on this planet is to serve as our pets and/or McNuggets. But at least he’s on the right track.

Animal Liberation? We need to be liberated from them. End Animal Rights Now!

P.S. F*** Cecil the Lion.