DC Trawler

They’re Killing Coke Zero

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Remember this? Apparently, the Coca-Cola Company doesn’t.

New Coke will go down in history along with the Edsel, the Betamax tape, and the Hillary Clinton campaign. Eventually, the company recovered from that debacle. Decades later, they even managed to come up with a diet cola that doesn’t taste like a hardware store smells. But now history is repeating itself.

Kate Taylor, Business Insider:

On Wednesday, Coca-Cola announced plans to stop selling Coke Zero in the US in August, replacing it with a beverage with a different recipe, design, and name: Coke Zero Sugar…

According to Coca-Cola, Coke Zero Sugar is closer to the taste of the standard Coca-Cola. But with zero sugar and zero calories, the drink is designed for customers who are seeking lower-sugar options.

What, they thought we were confused about what the “Zero” part means? They have to spell it out for us? At least it’s not “New Coke Zero.” At least they’ve learned something.

Here’s what this slop will look like:

Ugh. Coke Zero is the only soda I drink anymore. I know it’s still unhealthy, but every once in awhile you just want a Coke, you know? Diet Coke doesn’t taste like Coke. Coke Zero does. There’s no reason to change it. This stinks. #FirstWorldProblems

But hey, who am I kidding? I’ll line up for my fix of this new crap, just like everybody else. I’m not ordering it by the full name, though. Coke Zero is Coke Zero.

And now I’m off to the store. Time to stock up on the good stuff!