DC Trawler

Colorado’s ‘Mad Pooper’ Jogger May Be A Brain-Damaged Transsexual

poop Shutterstock/Zamurovic Photography

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Hey, I’m not the one saying it. I’m just passing it along.

You may have heard about the “mad pooper” in Colorado who’s been spotted taking dumps on people’s lawns. Without cleaning it up! Well, the story gets even weirder.

Emily Crane, DailyMail.com:

A jogger dubbed the ‘mad pooper’ after she was busted defecating on front lawns in a Colorado neighborhood is not at fault because she suffered a traumatic brain injury from gender reassignment surgery, according to her mysterious spokesman.

An unidentified man claiming to be ‘a family representative’ of the woman said the jogger wanted to apologize but added that she couldn’t help it because she could no longer control her bowels.

This guy made these claims in some YouTube videos, apparently. They’ve now been deleted, so we’ll just have to imagine how hilarious they were.

He also claimed that crapping in public is no different than breastfeeding in public. This seems like a fundamental misunderstanding of how breastfeeding works.

Look, I’ve been known to make sport of the transsexual-American community, and they throw fits about it because apparently they can’t help themselves. But honestly, I don’t care what you call yourself. If you’re a man and you think you’re really a woman, fine. If it’s the other way around, whatever. You’re not going to coerce me into going along with it, because science doesn’t care about your feelings. But go ahead. Glen, Glenda, whatever floats your boat. I’m not going to coddle you, but I do tolerate you.

However, I draw the line at you using it as an excuse to take a crap on my lawn. If you’ve somehow gotten brain damage from a sex change, that stinks for you, but it’s not my problem. If you can’t control your bowels, go see a doctor. Buy some Depends. Or how about this: Stop jogging, dude! At least until you get it figured out. If you’re so messed up that you can’t stop dropping logs on the neighbors’ yards, you’ve got bigger problems than losing those last 10 pounds.

Or, maybe this mysterious “family representative” is just pulling a hoax. At this point, nothing would surprise me because nothing matters.