Plenty of Americans might find themselves upset at the thought of a Philadelphia Eagles versus New England Patriots Super Bowl, but New York Times columnist Frank Bruni seems particularly bothered, declaring the match up an “existential hell.”
In his Thursday column “The Existential Hell of This Year’s Super Bowl,” Bruni laments about how “America really is about to get the pathetic Super Bowl that it deserves.”
In particular, Bruni’s malaise stems from his belief that “The Patriots perfectly embody our economic-inequality era and the tax reform that President Trump recently signed. Their good fortune begets more good fortune. They shamelessly hoard glory. And there’s frequently a whiff of cheating in their success.”
Of course, the added fact that President Trump considers himself chummy with both quarterback Tom Brady and head coach Bill Belichick doesn’t comfort a devoted Resistance-style liberal like Bruni either.
“These titans stick together in the way that many titans do, not because they share some special affection or particular philosophy but because each sees in the others’ stature an affirmation of his own. They’re a cluster strut.” Bruni writes.
Bruni continues by taking the typical shots at Philadelphia’s notoriously, ahem, passionate fan base, who have been known for occasionally getting violent, but also insinuates that President Trump is somehow responsible for their behavior:
“Please forgive the mixed bestial metaphor, but these Eagles aren’t cuddly underdogs. They have fans so famously obnoxious that after Sunday’s rout, some of them threw beer cans at a Vikings team bus as it pulled away from the stadium. Sore winning: I wonder which of our amazing leaders taught them that.”
Believe it or not, Bruni, but Philadelphia sport fans were booing Santa Claus when Trump was just beginning his business.
Of course, a sports column by a cosmopolitan liberal wouldn’t be complete without some half-baked sociological analysis of football itself. Bruni writes:
“Football, like Trumpism, likes to believe that it’s about working-class folks in the heartland. But this year’s Super Bowl, like the Trump administration, bows to the Acela corridor. It nearly brought together two teams from underexposed cities, Jacksonville and Minneapolis. Instead it brings together two teams from celebrated theaters of history in the Northeast. So much for the little guy.”
Nevermind that the sport of football can’t like “to believe” anything, consider it’s not a person or animal (where’s his editor?), but this is only the Eagles’ fourth time advancing to the Super Bowl in franchise history. It would have been the Vikings’ fifth.
Bruni also ironically points out how NFL ratings continued their downward trend this year towards the end of his polemic, where he manages to turn a sports game into a metaphor for domestic politics. Someone should probably let him know that part of the reason people are tuning out is because liberals like him won’t shut up.
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