Ladies and gentlemen, I have some dark and grave news to tell all of you.
A recent poll I ran about college football and beer didn’t give me the results I figured we’d get in this freedom-loving country we call America. (RELATED: I Didn’t Make The List Of Most Influential People On Social Media. It’s A National Disgrace)
I asked people, “Do you enjoy college football and beer?” Somehow, 32 percent of people voted no!
Do you enjoy college football and beer?
— David Hookstead (@dhookstead) October 20, 2018
At this point, I seriously think we need to shut everything down until we know what the hell is going on. Forget the immigration crisis. We have a beer and football crisis right at our fingertips right now.
Look, I don’t want you rolling with my crew if you don’t love football and beer. I was with a group of old friends Saturday night, and you know what we all have in common? We love beer and football. We’re the salt of the Earth people who have built this country into what it is today.
Save your soy lattes for the people over in Europe. In this country, we crush brews and watch young men on the gridiron. Honestly, you should probably be profiled if you don’t drink beer and watch football.
Let me be as clear as I can here so that there is no confusion: If you hate college football, I want no part of you. Not one single bit. You should be shipped out to Antartica so you can’t reproduce and carry on your awful lineage.
As for beer, unless you have a damn good reason, you also shouldn’t be anti-beer and living in America. It’s just not right.
So, I will sit here and continue to ponder the future of this country. Judging from these poll results, we’re not heading in the correct direction and that’s soul-crushing.